Balance and Control
by crazymiko
Summary: *Author's Note, Not Chap* Yaoi/Shounen ai. Everything in the world is balanced. Part of maintaining the balance is control. As the fickle winds of fate blow again, will Kenshin be able to keep his balance on the razor blade that is his past and future?
1. Some of life's best memories are made in...

1/19/02: Reread this and my first thought was "Ye gads! That sucks!" So it got rewritten…probably made it worse. I'll get part 7 out sometime in the near future…

*Waves excitedly* Hello everyone! This is my first yaoi and my first Rurouni Kenshin fanfic! Let me get the wonderful little authors notes out of the way. Pairing: Sore wa himitsu desu!!!!!! It'll spoil it if I tell but if you really want to know scroll down to the end of the fic, I'll have it written there. Okay, now for the disclaimer: I do not own Rurouni Kenshin; it belongs to its respective companies. I am a high school student; you sue me you'll get squat and a bill for legal fees. Now for the warnings: This will be yaoi/ shonen ai, which means male/male relationships, GAY! I will not tolerate flames from people about Kenshin's sexuality, it's my fic and he'll be what I damn well please. There's a touch of angst, and possibly sap depending on how you look at it. Okay I'm done ranting, this particular fic will have a hint of lime but nothing to bad, I mean I get embarrassed writing kissing scenes so it won't get to far, I may imply something but that depends on how you look at it. If you're still with me enjoy, and please comment because I need encouragement to write. Do let me know if I go overboard I can get a little lost in my writing at times. Beware the POV changes often and without much warning!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Balance and Control: Part 1~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

       Snow, so it was winter already. Anniversaries have a tendency to creep up on me; the snow reminds me of the day Tomoe died. Today is not a day for the light-hearted Rurouni's antics; the Battousai's wounded soul desires to remember in peace. Fortunately it is still early, Karou and Yahiko are still sleeping, and I can leave without being questioned. Standing outside the dojo I jump onto the roof, I do not want to walk in the street there is too much of a chance I would run into someone I knew. Leaping from roof to roof I have time to think about where I'm going, there is a forest right outside of town and I know of a clearing that I will remain undisturbed. Jumping off the last roof, I take refuge in the dense forest. The snow crunches loudly under my feet; it's strange how much the forest here resembles the one in Otsu. The gods must delight in causing me pain like this, I know I deserve it though; I deserve this pain tenfold for all the lives I took, especially Kiyosato's and Tomoe's.  My hand comes up to trace the scar on my cheek, one slash made in an unforgiving anger, the other in forgiveness.  It's been ten years since I received Tomoe's mark; perhaps it is finally time to move on, I have found someone I love just as much as I loved her. I'm not worthy of them though; my hands are stained with too much blood they would be better off without me. Most would be surprised to know it wasn't Karou; I do care for her but only like an older brother would care for his younger sister. She believes she loves me now but it is just a crush that will pass in time. After the others found this out they would believe I had eyes for Megumi; that is also untrue. Megumi is a close friend of mine, she does not love me, she flirts with me to tease Karou. Megumi knows my secret; I must say she wasn't very shocked when I told her who I loved. She knew about it before I did, her nickname the female fox is well earned. Now the others would be truly confused, if it isn't Karou or Megumi, who could it be? It couldn't be one of the Oniwa Banshu girls in Kyoto. It defiantly wasn't Tae or any of the other waitresses at the Akabeko. They would then assume that I had a girlfriend they didn't know about and ask question relentlessly. They would be shocked to learn that it wasn't a girl. I love Sanosuke. Sanosuke could never love me, he'll probably settle down with Megumi soon. It doesn't matter though, for him I would wait forever.

            I don't why I followed him, after hearing his light footsteps on my roof I felt compelled to see who would be walking on my rooftop. Figures it was him; not many have such a great sense of balance. I was thrilled to find out that he was too wrapped up in his thoughts to notice my presence when we reached the clearing. Perhaps the gods do hear my prayers once in a while. Watching Kenshin is one of my favorite pastimes, there's just something that draws you to him. When I told Megumi about it she didn't seem surprised, actually she was smirking, that damned fox knew something. I walk a few steps closer to the tree Kenshin was under; he seemed to be talking to himself. I knew it was rude to eavesdrop like this but I couldn't help myself, I was curious to know why he had secluded himself like this. In those short few minutes I learned a lot about why Kenshin is the way he is. My heart ached as I thought about the pain he felt; hmm he isn't finished yet. Leaning closer I strain to catch his last words; it's so cold I can see my breath, now Kenshin's shivering. Eventually I'm going to talk him into buying some winter clothes.

"I love Sanosuke…It doesn't matter though, for him I would wait forever"

I'm the one Kenshin loves? What about…or that time…but…I can't seem to keep my mind on anything. Did I just imagine him saying that? Kenshin couldn't really love me; he's in love with Karou. Just to make sure I reached over and pinched my arm. Stifling a yelp I rubbed the now sore spot, I guess I'm not imagining this. Surprise gave way to guilt in a second; I don't want Kenshin to know I'm spying on him. If he knew I sometimes followed him I would never get to see him when he lets his guard down. He doesn't appear to be guarded to most, but after spending time with him I noticed he is usually acting for the sake of the others. Reaching a decision I try to quietly slip away and resolve later tell Kenshin about my feelings after I treated him to dinner at the Akabeko. Standing up slowly and I began to walk back towards the path, careful not to make a sound. *Snap* The sound of a snapping twig causes my breath to catch; Kenshin must know I'm here now. I decide to ponder on how I snapped a twig under a foot of snow later, now I need to come up with some kind of explanation.

The snapping of a twig causes me to reflexively jump to my feet. Placing one hand on my sakaba, I warily eyed the tree line, someone's there. It seems I cannot find peace anywhere now. There is only one person there, he's too far away for me to read his ki, I'll have to draw him closer.

"Who's there? Show yourself de gozaru!"

I hear the shuffling of feet in the bushes; they do not sound like they are planning to attack. Regardless, I shift into a better position; I will not be caught off guard. I can almost see who it is; they are tall and well built, with spiky brown…Sanosuke! I straighten up immediately; did he hear what I said? He must be disgusted with me now; I back away a few steps as my hands fall to my sides.

Cursing my luck thoroughly as I step out of the thick bushes, I notice there was an amber undertone in Kenshin's eyes; he is expecting a fight. Kenshin must be so pissed right about now; the amber color only appeared when he was angry. Gulping I brace myself for the tongue-lashing, to my surprise one never came. Instead Kenshin started to back away from me, his eyes widened in fear, the amber disappearing in an instant. He seems frightened; after a moment of thought I conclude that he must be afraid of my reaction. Cautiously I take a few steps forward, I feel like I am trying to approach a frightened deer.

I bow my head, Sanosuke must be angry with me. I can hear him coming closer, his steps cautious. If he tries to hit me I won't try to avoid his blows, I deserve it. I'm starting to think that I was never meant to find true happiness. Then again, after all the happiness I ruined I don't deserve to find my own. I hope Sanosuke will forgive me though, it hurts enough knowing he only sees me as a friend and now possibly an enemy. Life would be unbearable now if I knew he hated me. Perhaps it's time I leave Tokyo, if Sanosuke rejects me I will go elsewhere, I think I will go to Otsu and visit the forest. He's in front of me now, I can feel some moisture on my cheek, I'm crying?

                        I'm standing in front of him now; I can't see his eyes, his bangs are in the way.  His trembling prevents me from brushing them away. Why is he shaking like that? A sparkle catches my eye and I see a tear slip down his cheek. Without thinking I bring my hand up to gently brush it away. At my touch he lifts his head, I can see his eyes now. I can still see fear reflected in them. My hand lingers on his cheek; I can't bring myself to pull it away. I'm still not sure if this is real, I could have dreamed the pain when I pinched myself. It's not like I haven't had a dream about him before, most of them just weren't like this.

            I kept waiting for him to yell at me, to say he hates me; instead he brushes away the tears on my face. His hand still hasn't left my cheek; I'm confused now. I look up into his eyes but I can't see a trace of the hate and anger I expected. I place my hand over Sanosuke's; perhaps he does care for me. I close some of the distance between us and lean on his chest. I've probably gone too far now, but at least I know what it felt like to be this close to him. Inhaling deeply I try to commit his scent to memory, I want to remember everything about him. I have only one last thing to do before I can leave, pressing my face into his chest I whisper,

            "Aishiteru Sanosuke"

            "Aishiteru Sanosuke"

            He said it. I am most defiantly not dreaming this. He's probably got a fever and isn't thinking straight. I'm going to buy him a jacket or something as soon as we get back. I might as well take advantage of the situation before Kenshin comes back to his senses; it may the only chance I'll get. Wrapping my arms around him I can't help but notice that he fits perfectly against my chest. I give into the urge to nuzzle his hair; it's soft and has nice scent. He still seems a little unsure about I'm doing, praying that he won't remember this later and kick my ass for it I whisper into his hair.

            "Aishiteru Kenshin"

            He loves me? This can't be possible; he's with Megumi, right? I've never seen those two go out together or anything though…still has to be a mistake. Sanosuke should marry a pretty woman who'll provide him with sons and give him the family he deserves. He doesn't need to be burdened by some penniless killer.

            Kenshin and Sanosuke stayed in each other's arms until the snow stopped falling, each immersed in his own thoughts. Acting on impulse, Sanosuke leaned down to place a light kiss on Kenshin's lips. In response Kenshin wrapped his arms around Sanosuke's neck and began to kiss back. Unnoticed Sanosuke's hand tugged at the ribbon binding Kenshin's hair. Breaking the kiss, Sanosuke focused his attention on the stubborn band, after a few insistent tugs it finally broke, releasing Kenshin's hair. Running his fingers through the silky strands Sanosuke recaptured Kenshin's lips. Eager to go farther, Sanosuke ran his tongue along Kenshin's lips, silently asking for permission. Granting it, Kenshin parted his lips to allow Sanosuke entry. Needing no encouragement, Sanosuke tasted and explored Kenshin's mouth. Their kiss lasted for a few minutes until the need of air forced them to part.  

Panting, I looked into Kenshin's eyes; his eyes were so amazing as they changed. Sometime during our kiss his eyes had gained an amber undertone, but this time the amber coloring didn't seem frightening, it looked warm. I found it reassuring to see that both sides of Kenshin loved me, whether he was the Rurouni or Battousai at the time. I caught a vaguely familiar scent in the air, it smelled like a white plum, couldn't be, they didn't blossom in the winter. At least I didn't think they did, doesn't matter, Kenshin will know.

            "Kenshin do you smell that?"

            I sniffed the air delicately after I heard Sanosuke's comment, the breeze did faintly smell of white plums. I give Sanosuke a small smile, thank you Tomoe for approving of my choice. Tomoe is with her fiancée, and now I've finally found another to share my life with. Unfortunately it is getting to be time of us to go back, it would be lunch soon and I don't want to worry Karou too much. Something felt off though, I couldn't decide what it was until a stronger breeze blew a great about of hair into my face.

            "Sano, where is my ribbon? We should go back before everyone comes looking for us."

            Laughing nervously I hand Kenshin what is left of his ribbon. He examines it for a minute then sighs. He once told me in private that he only left his hair down around the one he loved, namely Tomoe. I was overjoyed that I also had the privilege to see him with his hair unbound and I didn't want to share it with everyone we passed on the street. I thought for a minute then undid the bandanna around my head. Maybe if I tear it, it'll work as a substitute until we get back to Jou-chan's place. Ripping it in half I hand it to Kenshin. He's seems surprised, he knows how much that this bandanna means to me. I can always replace it, but I can't replace him.

            I'm shocked when Sanosuke hands me the halves of his bandanna, he told me about the Sekihou Tai and the story behind the bandanna. I take the pieces and use one half to tie back my hair in a high ponytail. I know that I haven't worn my hair that way in years but Sanosuke seems to awaken the part of me that is the Battousai. I don't really mind though, for once the Battousai isn't urging me to kill. He's actually being quite supportive and trying to help. Of course, I'm not so sure about his idea of help. Deciding to think about that late I place the other half of the bandanna in my sleeve. Grabbing Sanosuke's hand as I lead him out of the forest using a less traveled path I had recently discovered.

            It's morning already. I had the most wonderful dream about Kenshin last night. I start to stretch but stop when I feel a warm lump by my side. Pulling back the blanket I was shocked to see Kenshin cuddling up to me. I never really thought he'd be the cuddling type when he slept. I always thought he'd be an annoyingly light sleeper who didn't move at all. I smile as memories of yesterday and last night come back to me; so it wasn't a dream. Laying back down I placed an arm possessively over Kenshin. If the dawn is the symbol of a new day, perhaps it is also a symbol of all new things.

~Owari~

For all you people who couldn't wait to find out the pairing is SanoxKenshin!!!!!! Didn't really have to wait that long though…I can't keep a secret.

Whew I'm finally done. That kind of sucked but be gentle when you review my poor ego can't take much more. And if I feel like it I might write the story about the ribbon. Let me know if you're interested. Well Ja ne minna!


	2. New feelings, old aquaintances

Who do I love? Part 2

*waves excitedly* Hello everyone! Part two is finally up. I've had this for a few days but after the tragedy that occurred recently I lost my motivation to type this up and post it. NEWS! A-Chan Yuy is now co-writing this fic with me so don't forget to give her the credit she deserves in your reviews! A-Chan has been kind enough to help me work out the pairings for this fic. Okay, now for the disclaimer: I do not own Rurouni Kenshin; it belongs to its respective companies. I am a high school student; you sue me you'll get squat and a bill for legal fees. Now for the warnings: This will be yaoi/ shonen ai, which means male/male relationships, GAY! I will not tolerate flames from people about Kenshin's sexuality, it's my fic and he'll be what I damn well please. There's a touch of angst, and possibly sap depending on how you look at it. If you're still with me enjoy, and please comment because I need encouragement to write. Do let me know if I go overboard I can get a little lost in my writing at times. Beware the POV changes often and without much warning!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Who do I love? Part 2~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Kenshin watched Sanosuke sleep as he put his hair up in a high ponytail and secured it with the ribbon Sanosuke had given him the day before. Smiling slightly Kenshin leaned down to brush a light kiss on Sanosuke's cheek in hopes of waking him up. Kenshin was surprised that Sanosuke wasn't awake yet; it was almost time to go to back to the dojo for lunch. Karou was going to be angry that he left yesterday afternoon and didn't come back last night. Kenshin decided to stop by the market before they returned to the dojo to buy Karou a peace offering, a new ribbon maybe her blue one was starting to fade. Sighing at Sanosuke's reluctance to wake up Kenshin gave Sanosuke a hard shake. Blinking Sanosuke rose from the futon to give Kenshin a sloppy morning kiss before getting dressed.Now fully awake Sanosuke put his arm around Kenshin's waist as the left his apartment to go to back to Karou's home.

Where were they? I couldn't help but worry about Kenshin; he never came home last night. I know he didn't leave all his possessions are still in his room. On top of that Sanosuke was also missing, he didn't show up at dinner last night to freeload or this morning for breakfast. What is they got into a fight and were hurt? No, I'm sure they're okay no one has come by the dojo looking for either of them recently. Sanosuke probably took Kenshin gambling or something like that. Oh they are going to get it when they get back! Honestly making me worry like this! They should tell me if they're going to go missing for an extended period of time! My hands tighten around the handle of my shinai as I hear their voices outside of the gate. I can't deny that I was relieved to see them come through the gate unhurt but the feeling of relief only lasted a few seconds before I started to throttle them both. Oh dear I've broken another shinai by smacking those two. Tossing it aside I began to give them a tongue-lashing.

"BAKAS! Where have you been I've been so worried!"

"K-K-Karou-dono please calm down"

"Yeah jou-chan relax we were only out for a bit of fun last night."

"FUN? I've sat here all night waiting for you to come home Kenshin! There was no note, or anything about your whereabouts! For all I knew you two could be lying in a ditch somewhere bleeding!"

Karou is very angry with us she has been lecturing us for the past few minutes. I suppose I should have told her that I was going to be out for the night. Karou has started to yell at Sanosuke for dragging me around last night, she thinks he took me out gambling. Finding the ribbon in my sleeve I decided that I better rescue Sanosuke before she starts to beat up on him again with the remains of her shinai.

" We are very sorry for worrying you Karou-dono, as an apology we bought you a present on the our way back"

Kenshin can be so sweet and thoughtful at times. The ribbon he gave me was very pretty, it's the same blue as my favorite ribbon but it also as little flowers embroidered on the edges. I can feel my anger vanish as I look at the gift, I know neither of them has much money and this ribbon is one of the more expensive ones. Smiling I take my other ribbon out and use this one to tie my hair back. Those two aren't completely out of the woods yet, there's a pile of laundry waiting for Kenshin and a hole in the roof for Sanosuke to patch.

"That's very sweet of you two to bring me a gift but you sill have chores to be doing, there's a stack of laundry with your name on it Kenshin, and you Sanosuke get to repair the roof. Megumi is cooking lunch now and won't be finished for another half hour, so get busy!"

I can't believe busu is making me sweep the yard! I'm a Tokyo samurai not some housekeeper! Well I'm not the only one suffering; Kenshin and Sanosuke also got stuck working. Imagine the Hitokiri Battousai one of the most feared men in japan doing busu's dirty laundry. I can't believe Kenshin is such a domestic! Then again when he's not fighting I have trouble believing he is the Hitokiri Battousai. I'll have to get busu back for this later. I keep having this feeling like I'm forgetting something important let's see today's December 4 hmm for some reason there's something important about this date…I remember! Yutaro's coming back today! I've got to tell Kenshin and busu! Dropping the broom I run out to where busu is nagging Kenshin as he does the laundry. I told them that Yutaro was due back this afternoon. Kenshin just smiled and said that we'd got o meet him at the port and busu hit me on the head with a broken shinai for telling her sooner. Che, ugly violent hag. I wonder what's up with Kenshin? He seems preoccupied but for once it doesn't appear to be about an enemy. His eyes keep getting this amber undertone but for some reason it doesn't scare me it seems very warm and loving. Sanosuke been acting strange too, he didn't tease me or get mad when I walked by him and called him a rooster head. I guess I find out what's up with those two later, I've got bigger fish to fry at the moment. Yutaro's coming back to Japan to stay, I wouldn't admit it to anyone but I'm really happy that he's coming back. But what troubles me is that I found out that I liked him you know, like-liked him. I could never tell Yutaro that though he'd hate me and think I was weird. I better get busu if we're going to make it to the port on time to meet Yutaro and Dr. Hans.

I'm anxious to get off, I'm so glad that I'm coming back to Japan. Dr. Hans keeps smiling at me like he knows something I don't. I wish he'd stop it's a little disconcerting. I hope that Kenshin and the others will be waiting at the port; I sent Yahiko a letter as soon as I go the estimated date of arrival. I don't know why I sent it to Yahiko though; he's an arrogant jerk. When I thought about though I consider Yahiko my best friend, actually I really like him.I can't wait to introduce him to Kamatari though! I met Kamatari on the boat soon after we left Germany; Kamatari scared me at first but he's really a nice guy. The line's finally moving! I thought we were going to be stuck here forever!

Ara, I'm so nervous. Yutaro is such a sweet kid; he wants to introduce me to all his friends.He's so adorable when he talks about his crush. I think that Yutaro and that boy at the Aoi-ya would make such a cute couple. I wonder what this "Yahiko" is like. I just can't wait to play matchmaker and set Yutaro and "Yahiko" up; Yutaro's to shy to make the first move. For some reason the name Yahiko seems familiar though. Oh well. I'm not sure why I'm coming back to Japan, I feel very uneasy here. I still miss my Shishio-sama. I wonder if I'll see anyone from the Aoi-ya here, that girl…what was her name…Karou said that they lived in Tokyo. I think it would be nice to she her, I think we could be good friends. Well she owes me for destroying my poor Oh Gama so I should pay her a visit anyway. I really miss my Oh Gama at a time like this, I feel vulnerable without it. I hope that it's okay it was so hard to find a replacement. Ara! My trunk! My poor Oh Gama!

Kamatari raced over to where his trunk was being none to gently unloaded from the ship. Scolding the workers Kamatari regained possession of his trunk before his precious Oh Gama could be damaged. Finding a replacement for a weapon like that was very difficult. Holding the rather large and heavy trunk possessively Kamatari returned to where Yutaro and Dr. Hans were waiting for their friends. Grinning broadly Kamatari began to tease Yahiko to pass the time.

"Yahiko-kun are you searching for your koibito?"

"Kamatari-san!" yelled Yutaro furiously

"Ara, ara Yutaro-kun just teasing"

Dr. Hans watched the teasing with unconcealed amusement; Yutaro was now attempting to hit the nimble Kamatari with the shinai Karou had given him. Dr. Hans laughed as Kamatari caught the tip of the shinai and pulled Yutaro up by it. Smiling Dr. Hans called out to the energetic pair.

"Yutaro! Kamatari-san! Kenshin and the others are here!"

~Owari~

Well that wraps up another chapter of my fic. Okay before anyone gives me grief about the "like-like" thing I'm trying to everyone's part according to his or her actions and such in the series. Yahiko and Yutaro are around 10 to 11 years old. How many 10/11 yr olds have serious mushy romances? Example the infamous question: Do you like him or like-like him? Sorry for those of you hoping for another chapter more like the last, chapters where I hook two characters up will be like that and will take longer; chapters like this help me set up for one of those chapters so just hold tight I'm already concocting my next two character only, relationship started chapter. I may take one more chapter before I start pairing anyone else up or focus just on Kenshin and Sanosuke. Please leave any comments in review form but you can also email me at [crazy_miko@gundamwing.net][1]. I'd like to thank A-Chan again for helping me with this little project of mine. Please leave a review! Feel free to let me know if anything seems "off". Well Ja ne minna!

   [1]: mailto:crazy_miko@gundamwing.net



	3. Dinner and an indignant Saitoh

Who do I love? Part 2

Part three is now up. I've had this for a few days but I'm lazy. A-Chan Yuy is now co-writing this fic with me so don't forget to give her the credit she deserves in your reviews! I've been a bit lax lately in replying to feed back so I'm going to do it all now. Reviews from chapter 1: ~j~: Thanks! Lady Cyprine and Keiko: Oh dear, you've both just inflated my ego…THANKS! Veeshes: I'm working on it punctuation is the bane of my existence. Nakiko: *smiles* Yes! I can actually write sap! Thanks Nakiko! Kentaro: Thanks for the offer; I'll let you know. Arigatomina: There goes my ego again. Thanks! Chapter 2: Kitsune_chan: Don't worry too much about the Y&Y thing; it won't get farther than holding hands and such and that pairing is subject to change. Yes I know I'm neglecting Kenshin and Sano but I have to set the stage first. You'll have to patient for a bit, I promise I write a very long Kenshin and Sano chapter soon. [Danyella Skyler Silverfire][1]: Thanks!Okay, now for the disclaimer: I do not own Rurouni Kenshin; it belongs to its respective companies. I am a high school student; you sue me you'll get squat and a bill for legal fees. Now for the warnings: This will be yaoi/ shonen ai, which means male/male relationships, GAY! I will not tolerate flames from people about Kenshin's sexuality, it's my fic and he'll be what I damn well please. I've screwed around with ages and such so just ignore any age changes; trust me there's a reason I did it. If you're still with me enjoy, and please comment because I need encouragement to write. I mean that seriously too, any delays are because of lack of motivation; I do have these parts written out within two days of each posting. Do let me know if I go overboard I can get a little lost in my writing at times. Beware the POV changes often and without much warning!

_Italics_ indicate thought when in 3rd person POV

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Who do I love? Part 3~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Ara! Yahiko-kun and Yutaro-kun keep dancing around each other! They've already had two fights and we haven't even left the port area yet. It surprised me the Yutaro-kun's friends were the ones at the Aoi-ya, it's a small world, ne? I finally got to meet Shishio-sama's senpai the Battousai. Now that I've met him it doesn't seem right to call him the Battousai, he's very even-tempered and gentle nothing like the merciless killer in rumors. Another new acquaintance is a guy named Sanosuke, he seems rather protective of Kenshin, he keeps glaring at me when I got too close; I wonder if they're together. They probably are the way they keep looking at each other. I starting to feel a little sorry for Sanosuke, he insisted on "carrying the lady's trunk"; he's going to be shocked. I have a suspicion he's doing this to impress Kenshin, he doesn't look someone who has good manners.

"Oi! Kama-chan what's in here?"

What a rooster head! The others with the exception of Kenshin and Dr. Hans are laughing at him now; he still hasn't figured it out. I guess I could have little fun with him; I'm fairly sure Kenshin could get me out of trouble. He is or was a prominent member of the Ishin Shishi right?

"Well Sano-kun I guess I could show you"

Grinning probably a little wider than I should I plucked the trunk easily from his grasp and gently took my Oh Gama out. Everyone took a step back so I would have room to move it without hurting anyone. Sano-kun's doing a very nice impression of a fish out of water; it's very funny. Ara, the port authority is here already, the look on Sano-kun's face are worth a little tangle with the police.

"You there! Lady with the scythe! Put down your weapon or face arrest!"

"Ara, ara; more unobservant people!"

"Kamatari-dono perhaps you should put that away de gozaru."

"Himura-dono! Do you know this lady?"

"Chief-dono? You seem to be everywhere in Tokyo now. Do not worry Kamatari-dono will not hurt anyone"

"Himura-kun is right as long none of your officers ask for it" I replied shifting my Oh Gama

Ara! The police are so persistent, they wouldn't let up until Himura-kun said he'd take responsibility. When did I start referring to him as Himura-kun? Doesn't matter it sounds better than Kenshin or Battousai. He must have a few connections to be able to get the police to back off like that; well the one he called Chief-dono is still hanging around. I wonder why he doesn't use his connections though he could be a rich man by now. Yutaro-kun is fascinated by my Oh Gama, I guess hearing about it and seeing it are two different things. He's so cute when he argues with Yahiko-kun. Wait, why am I referring to everyone as –kun! I suppose it doesn't bother them no one has said anything. Sano-kun's getting a strange look on his face; I believe he may have finally figured it out.

"Kama-chan you're not a normal women! That's a huge weapon"

"Ara, Ara Sano-kun; so slow! It didn't take the others that long"

"Huh? Wait you're a m-m-m-man"

Poor Sano-kun passed out. Himura-kun gave me a long-suffering look as he attempted to lift Sano up and drag him along. I would have help but my hands were full. Karou-chan's taking Yutaro-kun, Dr. Hans, and I to a restaurant called the Akabeko. Sano-kun's finally woken up; I'm surprised he fainted like that. He's moved to the other side of Himura-kun now using him as some type of shield. I wish he'd stop looking at me like that; it's making me nervous. My nervousness causes me to shift my Oh Gama a bit so it's in a better position for a fight; its size makes it a bit clumsy if a fight starts quickly and without warning. I can tell that I'll have a lot of fun teasing Sano-kun and Yutaro-kun. Karou-chan's already asked me to stay at the Kamiya dojo while I'm in Tokyo; I'm glad that she made that offer because I didn't know of any good inns around this part of Tokyo. That weird police officer that was following us just left while writing something down. We've finally arrived at the Akabeko, a waitress about Yutaro-kun's height and age greeted us.

"Welcome to the Akabeko! Hello Karou-san, Sano-san, Kenshin-san, Yahiko-cha…. oops gomen Yahiko"

"DON'T CALL ME CHAN!

They must to be regular customers here; the waitress seems to know them pretty well. I'll have to remember that Yahiko hates being called -chan; it could be useful information later in my teasing.

"Hi Tsubame-chan, meet our new friend Kamatari Honjo"

"Pleased to meet you Honjo-san"

"The pleasure is mine Tsubame-chan, call me Kamatari none of that -san stuff"

The little waitress is so polite; she insists on adding –san to everyone's name but Yahiko and Yutaro's. I also met the restaurants owner Tae, I thought that Akabeko sounded a lot like Shirobeko; her twin Sae was a good friend of mine before I joined the Juppon Gatana. Dining with the Kenshin-gumi as Yahiko called them proved to be an interesting experience. Everyone except for Dr. Hans, Himura-kun, and I seemed to be engaged in some sort of eating contest. I was very surprised that Himura-kun hadn't starved seeing that he wasn't very aggressive. My question was answered when I noticed that whenever he went for a piece of food everyone backed off; they all seem to really respect him. An angry growl from my stomach reminded me that I hadn't eaten for a while and if I didn't act fast there would be nothing left to eat. I was about to jump into the fray so to speak when Himura-kun presented me and Dr. Hans with bowls filled with the best pieces of sukiyaki. I now realized why it was taking Himura-kun so long to start eating; he really was a kind person. Chewing on a piece of sukiyaki I wondered what I would do with my life now. For the moment I was staying at the Kamiya dojo and working for that asshole Saitoh in the police department. I wonder why they sent me to Tokyo of all places to work as a police officer; with the Battousai and Mibu's wild wolf here, Tokyo probably has more protection than it needs. Oh well it was Yamagata's idea and I cannot even begin to understand the way that man's mind works. Karou-chan has been very kind to me; she's paying for my meal and offering to take me shopping. I think I'll buy them gifts as tokens of my appreciation, its not like the government doesn't pay me.

~~~~~~1 Hour later~~~~~~~~~

Stuffed and content we finally left the Akabeko. Karou-chan said we'd go shopping in the morning so I have all night to think about what to buy. Himura-kun and Sano-kun have already excused themselves; Himura-kun's staying the night with Sano-kun. Dr. Hans and Yutaro-kun just left us in favor of finding an inn to stay in despite Karou-chan's offer. Speaking of Karou-chan, her and Yahiko-kun are fighting again; it amazes me how they can fight and lead at the same time. All the policemen we've passed have given me the evil eye, word travels fast I guess. The familiar weight of my Oh Gama reassures me, none of those excuses for law enforcers could get near me in a hundred years without a miracle. If I get this kind of treatment from them I wonder how they treat Himura-kun? I can't wait to see the look on their faces when they find out that I'm the new officer that they're expecting tomorrow.I wonder what Shishio-sama would say if he knew that I was working for the Meiji government? He probably wouldn't care; he'd just send someone to dispose of me before I revealed any secrets. Maybe things are finally looking up in life; maybe coming to Tokyo will be a good thing. Sorry Shishio-sama but starting now I'm going to forget you. I always loved you though, goodbye Shishio-sama.

Lighting a cigarette Saitoh dejectedly began to sort through the stack of papers on his desk. The Meiji government required paperwork to filled out for every offense; even now a year later he was still filling out forms pertaining to Shishio. One of the police chiefs came in a placed a new stack of papers on Saitoh's desk. Supposedly they were to get a new officer tomorrow that was qualified to fill out this type of paperwork; Saitoh smirked as the vision of unloading his paperwork on the new officer played in his mind. Pushing the paperwork aside to be dealt with later Saitoh picked up the new officers papers; might as well find out about the sap that would be stuck with his paperwork._ A Juppon Gatana! Yamagata!! _Saitoh growled irritably as he thought about all the additional paperwork this officer would inevitably cause for him. Skipping a few pages into the officer's papers Saitoh scanned the stat page to see what he would have to watch out for.

Kamatari Honjo

Alias/Nickname(s): Kamatari the Oh Gama; Kama-chan

Age: 20

Gender: Male

Weapon(s): Oh Gama with ball and chain

Affiliation: Juppon Gatana; Meiji Government

Bio: Formerly a member of the Juppon Gatana Kamatari Honjo has worked for the Meiji government overseas for the most of the last year. Now a member of the Tokyo police force Kamatari currently resides in the Kamiya dojo where Himura-dono is known to live. According to Himura-dono Kamatari is still depressed by Shishio Makoto's death and on occasion is known to attempt suicide. Because of Kamatari's cross-dressing tendencies he is often mistaken for a women.

Flicking the ash off the end of his cigarette Saitoh mulled over the new information, mentally he made a note to tell that police chief to stop editing the papers. He noticed that Kama-chan had been written in as well as the bio. Now he was expected to baby-sit some suicidal cross-dresser because the government couldn't figure out what else to do with him. Indignantly Saitoh uncharacteristaly huffed as he reviewed what a horrible career choice he made. Pushing Kamatari's papers off to the side with his paperwork Saitoh uninterestedly flipped though a report of suspected anti-government activists. Turning to the page of the suspect he was in charge of monitoring Saitoh skimmed his stats.

Tsunan Tsukioka

Alias/Nicknames(s): Tsunan Katsu; Tsunan Katshiro

Age: 19-20 

Gender: Male

Weapon: Rifle; Sakuretsu bombs

Affiliation: Sekihou Tai

Bio: Formerly a member of the Sekihou Tai Tsunan Tsukioka perused a career as a popular artist while plotting against the Meiji government, later it became known that Tsukioka had enough Sakuretsu bombs to destroy all the major government buildings in Tokyo. For reasons unknown shortly after being reunited with former Sekihou Tai member Sanosuke Sagara Tsukioka gave up on his plan and retired from being an artist to publish and anti-government newspaper. Tsukioka is suspected to continue plotting against the government and his newspaper is a potential threat to the government's credibility. Sufficient evidence has not been produced to arrest Tsukioka. It's rumored the Tsukioka is friends with General Yamagata.

Extinguishing his cigarette Saitoh dropped the papers unceremoniously on the floor by his desk. That aho might be of some use finally. Saitoh thought about how he could possibly get the rooster head to watch Tsukioka so he wouldn't have to baby-sit two crazies. Unable to come up with a solution Saitoh lit another cigarette as he fumed silently; he wasn't paid enough to baby-sit two people and complete his regular duties. Yamagata better have a good excuse for this, Saitoh Hajime third division captain of the Shinsen-gumi was not a babysitter.

~Owari~

Well that wraps up another chapter of my fic. If any of you are wondering what possessed me to stick two bios in there it's because I played around with some information and these are lesser-known characters. It has also come to my attention not everyone has seen the whole series so this is for their benefit; I apologize once again. Well now I've dragged Saitoh into this, *sigh* I keep making more work for myself. I love Saitoh and all but now I've got to rearrange some future plans, oh well I'm a baka. I'm sorry if Saitoh's a little OOC but show of hands who thinks Saitoh would enjoy filling out paperwork? If you want to disagree do so in a review.Please leave any comments in review form but you can also email me at [crazy_miko@gundamwing.net][2]. I'd like to thank A-Chan again for helping me with this little project of mine. Please leave a review! Feel free to let me know if anything seems "off". Well Ja ne minna!

   [1]: http://www.fanfiction.net/index.fic?action=Directory-AuthorProfile&UserID=50019
   [2]: mailto:crazy_miko@gundamwing.net



	4. I'm supposed to do what!?!

Who do I love? Part 2

Another part is typed and ready to be viewed. I've had this since I posted chapter 3 but I'm lazy. A-Chan Yuy is now co-writing this fic with me so don't forget to give her the credit she deserves in your reviews! Here's the part where I reply to feedback: I have only one review! Thank you silvertoekee for reviewing and letting me know you're interested in this story, this chapter is for you. This is a problem people, no feedback no story! I will put this story on hold unless I get more feedback! I need to know that people are still reading. Here's a whole chapter devoted just to Kenshin and Sano interaction, I hope this makes you happy Kitsune_chan cause the way feedback is going you may not see any K&S action for a long time. But as promised one long (er) Kenshin and Sano chapter. Okay, now for the disclaimer: I do not own Rurouni Kenshin; it belongs to its respective companies. I am a high school student; you sue me you'll get squat and a bill for legal fees. Now for the warnings: This will be yaoi/ shonen ai, which means male/male relationships, GAY! I will not tolerate flames from people about Kenshin's sexuality, it's my fic and he'll be what I damn well please. I've screwed around with ages and such so just ignore any age changes or original story changes; trust me there's a reason I did it. If you're still with me enjoy, and please comment because I need encouragement to write. I mean that seriously too, any delays are because of lack of motivation; I do have these parts written out within two days of each posting. Do let me know if I go overboard I can get a little lost in my writing at times. Beware the POV changes often and without much warning! As usual story picks up right where it left off unless otherwise noted.

_Italics_ indicate thought when in 3rd person POV

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Who do I love? Part 4~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

Kenshin and Sano walked down the near empty street in a companionable silence. Unlike Karou and the others Kenshin and Sano didn't need words to communicate. Turning down the small alley that led to Sano's apartment Kenshin broke the silence.

"Sano, when are we going to tell the others?'

"Didn't think about it, later"

Sano placed an arm around Kenshin's waist as they entered his small apartment. Surveying the cramped surroundings Sano made a mental note to find a job so he could afford better accommodations. Leading Kenshin to the futon in the middle of the room Sano sat down and pulled Kenshin into his lap.

I still have a hard time believing Sano reciprocates my feelings. I unconsciously press against him for reassurance, I need to know he's there and this is really happening; I don't want this to be a dream that I will eventually wake up from. The way he gently strokes my hair as he pulls me closer and his presence calm the doubts raging in my mind. He's here. He's real. This isn't a dream. I'm glad he understands me; I could never burden him with my problems. I want to be able to spend the rest of my life like this without the shadow of my past hanging over me. I don't want Sano to end up like Tomoe but do I really get a second chance? I don't deserve a second chance. Burying my face in the crook of his neck I try to chase thoughts like that away. Sano seems to know what's on my mind; he hugs me tighter and murmurs reassurances in my ear. I'm a little tired from the day's excitement and the soft rhythm of Sano's breathing is lulling me to sleep. I feel warm and safe now; I suppose a small nap wouldn't hurt.

It hurts me to see the turmoil in Kenshin's eyes. The only thing I can do for him is pull him close and tell him it's all right. I wish I could chase away his inner demons but he won't tell me his fears or doubts. He doesn't want to burden anyone with his problems but I want him to let me soothe him and help him chase the demons away. He's fallen asleep now; perhaps he can finally get some rest. Last night he kept having nightmares, while I held him I heard him whisper many names; are they the names of the people he killed?The names Tomoe and Kiyosato came up frequently, I hope he will tell me who they are eventually. I don't know how to stop his nightmares, I wish he would tell me what to do; I can hear him whimper in my arms as another nightmare comes. Shifting Kenshin a little I lay down on the futon so he is on my chest, I hope that he will tell me soon before his guilt gets the better of him.

Mornings in Tokyo were always busy; by the time the sun was up the streets were already a buzz with activity. Trying to avoid being jostled by the crowd Kenshin and Sano walked on the far side of the road sandwiched between the people walking and the streets and people bending over to inspect stands wares. Sano sighed as they passed another shop, he hadn't told Kenshin of his plan but without Kenshin's keen eyes and ears he couldn't seem to find a job opening. Having a quick debate with himself Sano decided to go ahead and ask Kenshin for help.

"Oi, Kenshin I need your help with something"

"What Sano?"

Well…umm…I'mtryingtofindajobtosupportus"

"Sano, one word at a time I can't understand what you're saying"

Breathing deeply Sano tried to calm himself down. He knew it would be hard to spring the idea on Kenshin but not this difficult. Taking one last deep breath Sano tried again.

"Well I was thinking that maybe I should get a job"

"What for?"

"I thought that maybe we could start living together"

Sano wants me to live with him! He knows I could never refuse an offer like that. I still don't want him to feel like he needs to get a job to support me. I'm perfectly capable of working, Sano doesn't need to worry. I'll get a job; he shouldn't have to rearrange his life to suit me.

"Don't bother I'll get a job"

Damn, I knew he was going to be difficult about this. What do I have to do to prove to him that this is something I want to do for him? He's had so much happen to him in life he deserves to have someone take care of all his needs. He devotes all of his time and energy into making others happy but nobody thinks to return the favor. I want him to live without worry or fear; I just want to make him the happiest man alive.

"Kenshin I want to do this for you"

"Sano it's not necessary"

"I think it's necessary"

"Sano don't be difficult"

Difficult? He says I'm being difficult!?! I hope I can outlast him in this argument his patience is seemingly endless at times.

He must be very determined to win this argument; normally he would jump at the chance to get out of any type of work. I still don't know why he seems to feel like he's obligated to support me if we begin living together. Perhaps it would be best if I tried to compromise with him, this argument could last a long time otherwise; Sano won't back down soon. Even so I'm going to try to persuade him otherwise, who knows, maybe I'll actually win this war.

"But Sano it's not important…"

"No, I'm getting a job whether you like it or not"

I'm surprised that I interrupted him like that. His persistence is starting to wear on me; I find it hard to refuse any request of his because they are so rare. I'm caught between my desire to fulfill his every request and my desire to be able to offer him everything; both are of equal priority in my mind. I just hope I don't lose any more ground in this argument. Placing my hands on his shoulders I harden my resolve as I look into his eyes.

"I'm going to do this, you deserve a rest"

"Having a lovers spat are we?"

I flushed at the restaurant owner's words. He was one of those old men who seemed to know everything. I wonder how Kenshin reacted to his statement. Looking back at the man I still held in my grip I had to stifle a laugh as I noticed his face was turning the same color as his gi. I've never seen Kenshin blush like that; he looks very cute like that. Giving Kenshin a small smile I turn back to the old man as he begins to talk again.

"I've been listening to you argue and I think I have a solution."

"What might that be ji-san?"

"I've got two job openings at my restaurant, you could both work"

"That would be great umm what's your name?"

"Just call me Sorata"

"Thank you for your offer Sorata-dono"

I guess is about as close a compromise I can get from Kenshin, I'm not completely dissatisfied by the idea of working with him. I wonder what kind of job Sorata's got in mind for us. He says we can start working tomorrow morning so we have the rest of the day left. It takes me a moment to remember why I asked Katsu for money the other day; I was going to take him shopping. Grinning a little I grab Kenshin's wrist and drag him over to the nearest clothes stand. His clothes are so old and worn, I suppose on reason I want to take him shopping is my desire to see him in another color besides pink. Inspecting the sellers wares I selected a gi of a very nice shade of midnight blue and a pair of gray hakama. I don't know why but those clothes already feel like they're Kenshin's. Looking at the clothes once I more I turn around to call Kenshin over from where he's examining some hair ties.

"Oi! Kenshin! Look what I found!"

Sano wasn't kidding about the job; I really wish he wouldn't trouble himself like this. While I was pondering what exactly my new job might be Sano suddenly grabbed my wrist and led me to a clothing stand. Uninterestedly I went to go and look at the hair ties until Sano called me over. Looking at the objects that have caught his attention I freeze. I haven't worn those colors since my days as the Battousai. I'm bombarded by memories of duels and battles where my sword destroys the happiness of so many. Sano's looking at me with genuine concern; he can tell that I'm upset about something. Offering Sano a weak smile I look up at him, I really don't want to disappoint him. 

"Sorry Sano, I was just thinking. It's a very nice gi"

"So you like it?"

"Yes"

It wasn't really a lie; I'm very fond of those colors. When I look at the outfit again I don't feel as uncomfortable; I guess I was just shocked to see an exact replica of the old outfit I wore. I wonder why Sano asked if I liked it. He's haggling with the woman that owns the stand; she seems very reluctant to lower the price. Sano's charm and persistence win as the lady relents and accepts Sano's price. For some reason Sano has a rather triumphant smile at the moment, it almost makes me worry. I begin to have this feeling that I've unwittingly played into his hands this time around. Perhaps Megumi will have to relinquish her title as a fox to Sano, I've never know him to be this cunning. My suspicions are confirmed when Sano turns around and hands me the clothes. I knew this was what he was planning to do but I was still shocked; were they really for me?

"Sano you didn't need to do that! I have clothes!"

"Yes, I know but they are just about rags"

"Still it's unnecessary for you to spend this kind of money on me"

"Hush, Kenshin, I wanted to so just indulge me this time"

I've never really gotten a gift from someone just because. Karou and the others give me gifts on occasions that call for it but never "just because". Putting the clothes down on the stand, I hug Sano. He doesn't understand how much this truly means to me.

I'm glad Kenshin liked my present; he looked at it in disbelief for a moment. Has no one ever given him a gift like this? He surprised me when he hugged me though; beaming I hugged him back disregarding the curious stares of others. If this is the response I get I'll have to give Kenshin gifts more often. Reluctantly breaking our hug I pick up the clothes and hand them back to Kenshin so my arms free to wrap around his waist. The tails of the ribbon I gave Kenshin tickle my arm, even halved it's still too long to be a proper hair ribbon. AS I looked around I noticed that most of the morning had gone; time passes quickly when I'm around Kenshin. Kenshin seems to notice this to as he unconsciously starts to gravitate towards the food stands. Hearing my stomach protest the lack of food I drag Kenshin over to the stands so he can buy the ingredients for lunch. Kenshin's such a great cook that if he starts living with me I'll eat better than those rich politicians. No more of that slop jou-chan calls food! Distracted by the visions of the food Kenshin would prepare for me I didn't notice him calling my name until he raised his voice.

"SANO!"

"Huh? What?"

"I was thinking that we should have a good lunch"

"Anything that you cook is good"

I'm also going to have to find a way to make Kenshin blush more. He's cute when he's embarrassed; smiling I wait for him to gather his wits.

"You're shameless! I mean that we should try out Sorata-dono's restaurant"

"Sounds good, what do they serve?"

"I don't really know"

I've never really thought of Kenshin as the type to just spontaneously do something, oh well you learn something new everyday. It's good to know that Kenshin is a little bit adventurous; the information could be useful later in life.

"Alright Kenshin, lets go"

Sorata-dono has a very nice establishment. When we arrived he greeted us warmly and led us to a secluded table. It turns out that Sorata-dono's restaurant is a lot like the Akabeko, a more expensive Akabeko. Sano looks impressed by the restaurant, I have to admit that it's more decorated than the Akabeko. I wonder if Sorata-dono's restaurant can compare to the Akabeko or the Aoi-ya though; both have nearly unmatched food. I'm surprised we hadn't seen this place before it's right by the vegetable stand. Looking around I notice that most of the customers are government employed, out of the corner of my eye I can almost swear I see Katsura-san and Yamagata-san out in the market. Trying to reassure myself by saying it was just a trick of the light I turn towards Sano hoping he would start a conversation.

"Oi, Kenshin, this is a nice place"

"Yes, it's also busy, we'll have to work hard"

"Check out all the government stiffs!"

"Sano, that's unkind they're very hardworking people"

"Whatever Kenshin. I wonder if Saitoh used to come here"

"Maybe he did"

Our conversation was cut short when Sorata-dono served us a meal on the house. I can see Sano's mouth watering already, I can't blame him though it looks and smells delicious; the Akai-ya will defiantly give the Akabeko and the Aoi-ya a run for their money. Sano looks like he's about to attack our meal, I notice he keeps glancing to his side as if he expects Karou-dono or Yahiko to be there to take his food or so he claims; I believe the situation is reversed. As soon as I pick up my hashi he begins to eat rapidly. Smiling I start to eat too.

The food's great! I almost forgot how good it was to eat with jou-chan or Yahiko trying to steal my food. Kenshin seems a little jumpy for some reason; maybe he's worried someone he knows will see him. I wonder why he'd be so worried about that though, he's not eating as much as usual. The smile on his face seems to become more forced as time passes; what's troubling him so? Does he remember that he can share all his worries and fears with me now? Kenshin must have noticed my concern; he gave me one of his rarer genuine smiles and started to eat more. I wonder if jou-chan's ever seen him smile like that, a smile without the shadow of his past hanging over it. Lunch passes without further incident, Kenshin chooses not to talk to we sit in a companionable silence. I use this time to reflect on all my observations of Kenshin; he can forgive himself for some of the things he's done but he needs help to forgive himself for the rest. Jou-chan never understood that, she could never see past the Rurouni and look at the Battousai with loving eyes like I can. Jou-chan's problem is she can't love all of Kenshin, only a part of him. I just hope Kenshin realizes that I'm not like jou-chan and I don't mind helping him carry the burden of his past. I don't need to be protected from the Battousai like Karou.

Sano's is worrying about me again. I shouldn't dwell on unpleasant thoughts since it bothers Sano so much. But a few familiar faces in this restaurant trigger wave upon wave of memories. At least none of them recognize me, which would only make matters worse. My biggest fear is that someone who seeks revenge will hurt Sano to get me. I also fear that it was really Katsura-san that I saw earlier. He blames himself for ruining my life but in truth I ruined my own. I still don't think that I can face Katsura-san yet. Sano doesn't pry when he sees me brood like Karou-dono does; I'm grateful that he doesn't feel the need to know my every little thought. He still appears to be a little hurt that I haven't told him what's bothering me though. I hope he knows that I'll tell him when I'm ready to. I felt two familiar presences enter the Akai-ya; it was really Katsura-san and Yamagata-san outside. Katsura-san knows I'm here, as he walks by where Sano and I are sitting he asked me to meet him later. Are him and Yamagata-san work together now? Sano's moved to sit closer to me so he can put a comforting arm around my shoulders. I was sure that I covered my tracks well enough so Katsura-san couldn't track me here. Grateful for Sano's presence I look once more at Yamagata-san and Katsura-san as they disappear into a private room. I hope that whatever Katsura-san wants doesn't involve Sano or that Sano will not involve himself. But then again against my better judgment Sano followed me all the way to Kyoto and was hurt protecting me. It would take a miracle for him not to involve himself. Sano and I get up and I let him lead me back out into the market; it seems I can never escape my past.

~Owari~

I hope that all the Kenshin and Sano goodness makes everyone happy. I'm dead serious about putting this fic on hold if I don't get any feedback, and when I put something on hold you will not see anything on it for months. About Katsura; I have no idea what happened to him so for the sake of the story he's alive and in Tokyo. Remember I've taken liberties with stuff, deal. Please leave any nice/nasty comments in review form and please direct your flames to [crazy_miko@gundamwing.net][1] where they will be properly read and replied to. They will later be laughed at then placed at the end of the next chapter with the email address so everyone can have a good hearty belly laugh at your expense. Once again I thank A-chan for all her help so give her the credit she deserves. Please leave a review. Ja ne minna!

   [1]: mailto:crazy_miko@gundamwing.net



	5. Old friends and old clothing

Balance and Control Part 5 Kaitlin Naylor Normal Kaitlin Naylor 3 45670 2001-09-01T16:14:00Z 2001-11-28T20:19:00Z 2001-12-03T01:11:00Z 6 3548 20225 Home 168 40 24837 9.3821 

*****The title has been changed! It is now Balance and Control*****

. A-Chan Yuy is co-writing this fic with me so don't forget to give her the credit she deserves in your reviews! Here's the part where I reply to feedback: I have a couple reviews! Still not quite enough though. Thank you samuraiheart and Gabriel Yaslana for reviewing. A-chan you've been great, except an email soon, I think I'm about to write myself into a corner. Xelyna, I would be delighted if you archived my fic when I finish it. Remind me when I do; I've got a horrible short-term memory. I'm going to let the lack of feedback slide this once because ff.net went down shortly after I posted the last chapter. I will put this story on hold unless I get more feedback! I need to know that people are still reading and if there's something in particular that needs work. I need you guys to tell me what I'm doing wrong, don't be afraid to nitpick a little. I'm going to try to cut the repetitive stuff with Kenshin's past, I reread my fic and it gets a bit annoying. I'm going to try and avoid excessive angst and such. I promise all the little things that I mention now are important to the ending. I actually have an idea of how I want this to end. Chapter six is having difficulties so don't expect it out for a week or so. 

Disclaimer: I do not own Rurouni Kenshin; it belongs to its respective companies. I am a high school student; you sue me you'll get squat and a bill for legal fees. 

Warnings for this Chapter: This will be yaoi/shonen ai, which means male/male relationships, GAY! I will not tolerate flames from people about Kenshin's sexuality, it's my fic and he'll be what I damn well please. I've screwed around with ages and such so just ignore any age changes or original story changes; trust me there's a reason I did it. 

If you're still with me enjoy, and please comment because I need encouragement to write. I mean that seriously too, any delays are because of lack of motivation; I do have these parts written out within two days of each posting. Do let me know if I go overboard I can get a little lost in my writing at times. Beware the POV changes often and without much warning! As usual story picks up right where it left off unless otherwise noted.

_Italics_ indicate thought when in 3rd person POV

/…. / Indicate thoughts in 1st person POV

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Balance and Control: Part 5~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

            I was surprised to see Himura here; I haven't seen him since he asked to leave the Ishin Shishi. Physically he hasn't changed a bit, I can hardly tell he's 28, if I didn't know better I'd still think he was 18. I cannot say much for his emotional state though, he's never been able to hide that from me, he still feels guilty, but has found some measure of inner peace. He's become more approachable, he doesn't have the same aura he did ten years ago. Now he seems like a slightly silly but easygoing man. I noticed that he had a companion; he never was very social when he was with the Ishin. I hope he's found someone to take Tomoe's place in his life though; he deserves at least a little happiness. Curious to learn more I asked Yamagata about Himura; Yamagata was eager to tell me about Himura's activities this past year and his refusal to join the army. Yamagata hasn't given up yet though, he's very determined to have Himura at his side. I wonder who will lose this battle of wills, Himura or Yamagata? As I expected Yamagata asked me to help him try and win Himura's favor; he must still believe I have some sort of power over Himura. After all, who would willingly want to go through the hell Himura did? I told Yamagata that I would help him, Himura's already suspicious of my presence, I think I'll leave him a gift. I'm looking forward to having a long talk with him about his activities these past eleven years.

~~~~Next Morning~~~~~~~

            Making their way to the Akai-ya, Kenshin and Sano silently contemplated what possible jobs they could have. Entering the suspiciously quiet restaurant, Kenshin and Sano looked around warily not want Sorata to take them by surprise. Despite their caution, the sound of a crazy laugh that could have belonged to Jiya sent them reeling in surprise. Regaining their footing, Kenshin and Sano turned around and looked at Sorata in disbelief. How did he sneak up on them like that? Grinning at the pair, Sorata led them back into the kitchen where the cook was organizing the food.

"What skills do you have? Can either of you cook?"

"Kenshin can cook"

"Sano!"

"It's true!"

"Well then, Kenshin you help the cook. Sano, you're going to be a waiter, and if we are extremely busy then you'll also have to wait on people Kenshin."

"Oro!"

"Waiter!?!"

                                                     "Yes" replied Sorata as he cackled again.

             After some prodding by Kenshin, Sano finally emerged from behind the screen dressed in his new, completely red, slightly feminine uniform. With a small laugh Kenshin shooed Sano away to do his duties so he could chop the vegetables in peace. Indignantly Sano trudged out into the main part of the restaurant to serve the first lunch customers.

             Since when did those bums I call friends get the money to eat at a nice restaurant! Every single one of them has made some smart-ass remark about my uniform. Katsu's having way too much fun with this, if he wasn't my best friend I'd kill him. He insists on calling me over every chance he gets to tease me about my uniform. Kenshin's not really helping either; he's just having a wonderful time cooking, how come he doesn't have to wear this stupid uniform? Returning from the kitchen with my friends' lunch, I smile as I here Sorata calling Kenshin to come out and help wait on tables. Misery loves company. By the time I greet the next customer Kenshin is already good-naturedly trying to placate a group of drunks. Passing by the grouped I winked at Kenshin, his only response was a sigh as he tried to convince the drunks that they didn't need any more sake. At least he doesn't have to wear this dumb uniform, Katsu's calling me again. When I go to where he was sitting I "accidentally" spilled his tea all over him that should shut him up for a while.

Why am I helping Yamagata? I gave Himura permission to leave the Ishin Shishi; he deserves to live out the rest of his life free from the clutches of politics.

/ Because you want him back /

No, I don't want him to be forced into a position he doesn't want to be in. I want him to have the peace he deserves.

/ Don't lie to yourself /

I'm not lying! Why am I arguing with myself? This is crazy. I need to get more sleep; talking to yourself is surely not a sign of health. I'm going to tell Yamagata that I will not have any part in this.

/ No you won't /

Yes, I will.

/ You won't, stop lying /

You're right, I won't; I do want him back. I've already ruined his life once for my dream and I'm prepared to do it again. I need someone I can trust to make sure this era becomes what I dreamed it would be. So many have already been corrupted by money and power, I know Himura never would be. Perhaps I just miss the days when we fought for our dreams on the battlefield where Himura became a legend. Maybe I just want to be the one that lays claim to Himura's strength. The feeling of power it gave me, in those days I was a god by my own right, I could decide who lived and died.  Himura's sworn never to kill again though. When I had him kill the guilt nearly drove him mad. Do the faces of those he has slain still haunt him now like they did then? Before he left I remember him having nightmares about Tomoe. Would I really ruin his life a second time? I need him though; the era I dreamed about has not come to pass. I'm already feeling guilty, I still feel guilty for ruining his youth. I'm adding even more guilt now, is this how Himura feels? Himura is like a son to me, will I really ruin his happiness now that he's found it?

~~~~~~~~~ Kyoto, 1864 ~~~~~~~~~~~ 

            I smiled as I watched Himura practice; this time was special for Himura and I. I was the only one Himura still allowed to watch him practice, he had stopped practicing in front of others when he noticed some of his fellow Ishin Shishi try and copy his stance. He's very protective of his style for some reason; he would have many people asking for his instruction if it wasn't for his reputation. I loved to watch him practice though; when he practiced I did not see the cold gaze of the Battousai, but the warm gaze of the teenager he is. How old was he now? Sixteen? Seventeen? Whatever his age was he was still so young for a Hitokiri as accomplished as he was. How can the feared manslayer be so pure? I always feel guilty when I see him return from an assignment, he tries to hide it but I know that the guilt is eating him alive. In my own mind he is my son, but I do not know how to lighten the burden he carries. If I look harder I can see that he is still a child, he carries a top with him everywhere; perhaps the only piece of childhood he has left. From what he has told me I've concluded that he is an orphan who was raised by a powerful swordsman who lacked parenting skills. As he finishes he looks into the bushes I've crouched behind, for some reason I feel the need to hide when I watch him. It doesn't matter though, he can always tell exactly where I am. Rising I look him in the eye, for a moment I could swear I saw a look of affection in his eyes before it disappeared. Turning so my back is to him, an unconscious gesture of trust I lead him back to the inn where we are staying.

            Katsura sighed as the memory finished playing in his head, how could so much time pass without him noticing?  Himura may still look the same but his eyes have more depth now. Shifting slightly Katsura continued to think about Himura, for some reason the redheaded Hitokiri was never far from his thoughts. Katsura wondered why Yamagata wanted Himura in the army, there was no real threat to Japan at the moment; Himura would be more useful in a more powerful position. Glancing at the pocket watch on the floor bedside him Katsura decided to see Himura in the morning. Blowing out the candle, Katsura hoped the suffering of his adopted son would not trouble his dreams.

            Seeking refuge in Sanosuke's arms Kenshin tried to figure out why Katsura was in Tokyo. Part of him was glad to see the man he saw as his father, but part of him was afraid of Katsura's presence. Katsura would not have shown himself if it wasn't important. Deep down Kenshin knew that if Katsura truly needed his help he could not refuse him anything. Leaning against Sanosuke, Kenshin lost himself in his memories of Katsura. For some reason one memory stood out more than the rest.

~~~~~~~Kyoto, 1864 ~~~~~~~~~

             As I walked to the secluded grove where I practiced I could sense Katsura following me, halfheartedly trying to stay hidden. I wasn't exactly sure why I let him watch me practice, I drove away anyone else who tried to follow. Stretching and preparing to run through a few katas I went over everything I knew about Katsura. His ideas for the new era were wonderful and his intentions pure. In my opinion he was a very kind man who tried not to ask too much of me though some might say otherwise. He seemed to have a sixth sense about my feelings though, on the rare occasion I felt the need to talk to someone he was always around when I needed him. He treated me like I was his son. Going through a few practice strokes I noticed he chose to hide behind a clump of bushes today. I started to think along a different train of thought, my feelings towards him. I cared for him as a son would for a father. He became my father after I left Shishou. Finishing I looked into the bushes where he was hiding, causing him to reveal himself. For a brief moment I let my mask fall, if he was very observant he might have noticed the change. As he turned his back on me I learned that he truly trusted me with his life. Not many would turn their back on a Hitokiri. Following him back to the inn I looked forward to a more peaceful night.

            At his desk Yamagata began to reflect on the events that had occurred recently. Katsura had suddenly reappeared as an important officer in the army and Kamatari had arrived in Tokyo. Katsura's appearance may have given him the necessary leverage against Himura. Fortunately for Yamagata, Himura had given up wandering so the danger of him disappearing again was minimal. Between the new arguments he had constructed and Katsura's support Himura would have accept the position. Himura could hardly deny Katsura anything and Yamagata planned to capitalize on that, the trick was timing it so Himura would listen. Yamagata wondered why Katsura agreed to his idea so easily though. Katsura had to have an agenda of his own; he wouldn't show himself without good reason. There were still many who would like to kill the leader of the Ishin Shishi. How had Katsura managed to move to Tokyo without him noticing though? The ex-leader of the Ishin Shishi had many tricks up his sleeve it seemed. Himura also had a few surprises; he seemed to have found his life mate in a man. To those who do not know Himura well, it would seem that he was having lunch with a good friend. To those who knew him well though Himura was showing a level of familiarity that one would for a life mate. Katsura must have noticed he had a small smile whenever he looked at Himura and Sano. Sano's name has come up in numerous reports of Himura's activities; Yamagata wondered why he didn't notice it sooner. Turning back towards his paperwork, Yamagata found a letter from a "Fujita Goro". Curious, he opened the letter to find a short paragraph requesting a meeting as soon as possible to discuss his assignment. Puzzled as to who this "Fujita Goro" was he examined the letter till he found Saitoh's signature in the bottom right corner. Smirking Yamagata realized that Saitoh must have figured out what his assignment really was. Yamagata frowned a little when he realized that Saitoh would be really angry about the assignment and redirected a large case in an attempt to appease Mibu's wild wolf. If Saitoh could carry out his motto of 'Aku, Soku, Zan' Yamagata would be free from his sharp eyes. Writing a quick message to Saitoh, Yamagata left to meet with Katsura.

            I hate washing dishes! Kenshin being the domestic he is seems perfectly content to clean up after everyone. Even when they're drunk and incoherent they drive me crazy! If Kenshin wasn't here I would have knocked them into next week already. Kenshin's been acting kind of weird since Yamagata and Katsura showed up though. According to what he's told be they were big shot Ishin Shishi or something like that, so why were they here? Well Yamagata lived in Tokyo, but Katsura hadn't been seen for years. Drying the last dish I went to collect Kenshin from Sorata's clutches before we were stuck here all night. Leaving the restaurant I prayed that no one I knew would see me in this outfit. The fact that Kenshin keeps snickering whenever he looks at me is not reassuring. He never laughs at anyone's expense. We almost made it to the dojo when no other than Saitoh appeared. Kami has an interesting sense of humor it seems. Now Saitoh's probably going to have a new name for me.

"Battousai, why is this aho wearing a kimono?"

"Asshole! It's a uniform! I have a job!"

"Don't pick on Sano like that Saitoh"

"Yare, Yare another cross dresser to baby-sit"

"Another?"

"The wonderful government you've created has put me in charge of babysitting cross dressers"

"Oh you mean Kamatari-dono."

"That's the one"

Saitoh must be angry, I've never heard him use sarcasm like that; no wait, never mind I have. Of course, both of them just ignored me as they talked. Saitoh now is calling me a cross dressing aho, that bastard. One of these days I'm going to kick his ass then we'll see who's the aho. It makes me feel better to know that Saitoh's stuck keeping Kama-chan outta trouble though. I'm going to have to ask Kama-chan to be as obnoxious as he can when Saitoh's watching him. Jou-chan about knocked Kenshin over when we went through the gate; at least it's dark so the can't see what I'm wearing. She worries too much; Kenshin can take care of himself. Megumi's got that damn smirk on her face again, I wonder what she did this time. Kama-chan keeps glaring at the street, I guess Saitoh must have stopped by to tell him to behave. Sighing I pull Jou-chan off Kenshin, any longer and she'll knock him unconscious like last time. I distract jou-chan as Kenshin nurses the now multiple bumps on his head, I wince when I think about the beating I'm in for. She seems pretty mad about us being out this late. Surprisingly Megumi dragging Kenshin and I in for some sake saves my head from some serious abuse. Taking advantage of the momentary confusion I drat into Kenshin's room and take off this uniform before joining the others in the practice room for an impromptu party of sorts.

            The others were shocked that Kenshin and I had jobs. How lazy did they think I was? They were even more shocked that Kenshin was going to move in with me. Katsu must have told Megumi about it earlier, he's been hanging around her lately. She's already packed Kenshin's belongings and set them outside his room; that must have been what that damn fox was smirking about. Yahiko seems disappointed about Kenshin moving out but like always he tries to hide it and just makes some comments about jou-chan's cooking. Jou-chan's trying to convince Kenshin to stay but she's not having any luck, Kenshin can be really hardheaded sometimes. Kama-chan keeps winking at me and dropping a few innuendos about my relationship with Kenshin. Dr. Hans and Yutaro have said much but Yutaro looks a little put out. Ayame-chan and Suzame-chan are crying and asking "Ken-nii" not to leave, they must think he's going back to Kyoto or something. Gensai-sensei is trying to convince them otherwise but I think only Kenshin will be able to calm them down. Kenshin comforts them as they ask to go see his new home. I didn't think everyone would make such a fuss about Kenshin moving a few blocks. Jou-chan seems to have this crazy idea that if Kenshin leaves her newly acquired students will leave too. Kenshin has attracted quite a few students who wish to be instructed by a legendary swordsman even if it is in a different style. Kenshin promised to help around the dojo on his day off, but Jou-chan's still beating up on him. She's so overdramatic at times, worst-case scenario all the students will only come when Kenshin's off. Kama-chan's not helping the situation either, he keeps asking questions about our relationship. He's too damn observant! At least no one else can hear him, one big shock at a time. At least the others can't here him over Jou-chan's screeching. Damn I knew this was going to happen sooner or later, Jou-chan's gone and knocked Kenshin unconscious. I'm tempted to tell her that shouting at an unconscious person is useless but I would like to live long enough to see tomorrow.

"Sano-nii, why did Kaoru-neesan hurt Ken-nii?"

"Um, well…"

"The rooster head can't even come up with an answer!"

"Shut up fox-lady!"

"Ohohohoho"

I hate it when she laughs like that, now I know she's up to something. I'm going to have to watch my step from now on; she has a demented idea of what is a "joke". Last time she dyed my jacket pink, Yahiko's still laughing about that. Ayame-chan is still waiting for an answer, why'd she have to ask me? If I don't say the right thing Jou-chan'll kill me. Thinking for a moment I try and phrase my answer as inoffensively as I can.

"Jou-chan just got over excited about Kenshin moving"

"Oh, she should say gomen nasai then"

"She will when he wakes up"

"Okay"

I'm glad Ayame-chan is happy with that answer, I don't think I could think of anything better than that. I noticed that Suzame-chan was being unusually quiet; bending down so I was on her level I asked her a question.

"Is something wrong Suzame-chan?"

"Ken-nii's leaving"

"Yes, he is"

"But..."

"Don't worry Suzame-chan, he'll still see you almost everyday"

"Really? Promise?"

"Promise"

I love how Suzame-chan's face lights up, it's so cute. Kenshin's starting to stir a little; I guess Jou-chan didn't hit him too hard this time. Like always Ayame-chan and Suzame-chan pounced on him as soon as he sat up; they really do love him. Then again, how could anyone not love Kenshin? I hope Tomoe realized that she was the luckiest girl in the world when she married Kenshin. I think she did, Kenshin's kept on of her kimonos in his room. It's a really nice kimono too, it's a shame it's stuck in a box like that. I don't really know that much about Tomoe though, I guess I'll just have to wait for him to tell me more about her. Actually come to think of it, that box wasn't there until after we came back from work. Did Saitoh leave it here when he came to talk to Kama-chan? Now I really wish I had read the note with it, but it is Kenshin's note and he's touchy about his past; it's probably best I didn't Whatever that note says it must be important, it's even sealed in one of those Western style envelopes. I'll tell him about the note later, he never told Karou or the others about Tomoe and I don't think he wants to. The box must not have been there when the fox-lady packed up Kenshin's stuff otherwise she'd be teasing him about a secret lover or something. I wonder if that was Tomoe's journal on top of the kimono, I was too busy with the note to pay it much mind. As soon as Ayame-chan and Suzame-chan finish climbing on Kenshin he quietly goes to collect his luggage. He doesn't really have much, his small sack slung over one shoulder and the box tucked under one arm. I slip the note into the box as soon as Jou-chan distracts him, I don't want him to know that I've seen what's in the box. Folding my uniform over my arm, I lead Kenshin out of the dojo yelling our good-byes. Jou-chan's just standing there watch Kenshin go, after all the fuss she made earlier I didn't think she would let him go so easily. Then again, it's not like Kenshin's going back to Kyoto again.

            I didn't know Katsura kept one of Tomoe's kimonos; he must have had Saitoh drop it off when he spoke with Kamatari-dono. Katsura has kept this a long time, was he that sure he'd see me again? I'm glad to have it back though; Tomoe's ribbon has just about become a rag. Sano must have seen what's in the box, he's trying to hide it but his curiosity always gets the better of him. Did Megumi-dono see the box? It doesn't matter though, Megumi-dono knows more about my past then Sano does. I do hope Kaoru-dono's okay, she was very depressed the last time I left the dojo. I'll have to make sure to visit her everyday after work so she realizes I haven't just picked up and left her life. Hopefully this well help her overcome her dependency on me, she needs to find her special person. Its too bad Soujiro went off wandering, he'd be a good person for her to have around. When we reach Sano's, I mean our apartment I set the box down in a corner where it won't be disturbed, I have to Katsura in the morning before work. Crawling into the bedroll beside Sano I lean into his embrace, so much as happened recently, I need some time to think.

~Owari~

            Ack, that was a little longer than I expected. I hope that all the Kenshin and Sano goodness makes everyone happy. I'm dead serious about putting this fic on hold if I don't get any feedback, and when I put something on hold you will not see anything on it for months. About Katsura, don't you just love creative liberty? We'll be seeing a lot more of him so you might as well get used to it. He kinda came off a bit of a bastard with the inner monologue. I would also like to make clear that any affection shown by Kenshin to Katsura and visa-versa is like father-son type affection. Please leave any nice/nasty comments in review form and please direct your flames to crazy_miko@gundamwing.net where they will be properly read and replied to. They will later be laughed at then placed at the end of the next chapter with the email address so everyone can have a good hearty belly laugh at your expense. Like the new teaser? Title? Please let me know.  Once again I thank A-chan for all her help so give her the credit she deserves. Please leave a review. Ja ne minna!


	6. Explanations and Memories

*****The title has been changed! It is now Balance and Control*****

. A-Chan Yuy is co-writing this fic with me so don't forget to give her the credit she deserves in your reviews! Here's the part where I reply to feedback: I have a review! I give up, there's just no convincing you guys. Thank you lorien for reviewing. I love it when people inflate my ego *hint, hint, nudge, nudge*. My writing really slows down without encouragement. I need to know that people are still reading and if there's something in particular that needs work. I'm going to try and avoid excessive angst, drama, and such. Of course as far as I'm concerned unless the fic is an absolute angst fest no angst is necessary. I promise all the little things that I mention now that seem stupid and worthless are important to the ending. Chapter seven should be posted within minutes or hours or possibly days.

Disclaimer: I do not own Rurouni Kenshin; it belongs to its respective companies. I am a high school student; you sue me you'll get squat and a bill for your lawyer's time. 

Warnings for this Chapter: This will be yaoi/shonen ai, which means male/male relationships, GAY! I will not tolerate flames from people about Kenshin's sexual orientation, it's my fic and he'll be what I damn well please. I've screwed around with ages and such so just ignore any age changes or original story changes; trust me there's a reason I did it. 

Do let me know if I go overboard I can get a little lost in my writing at times. Beware the POV changes often and without much warning! As usual story picks up right where it left off unless otherwise noted.

_Italics_ indicate thought when in 3rd person POV

/…. / Indicate thoughts in 1st person POV

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Balance and Control: Part 6~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

                        Katsura waited patiently near the Akai-ya, Kenshin was due to arrive soon with questions. Katsura wasn't sure why kept Tomoe's kimono for Kenshin, at the time it just seemed like the right thing to do. Only a dead man would be able to overlook Kenshin's feelings for Tomoe. Yamagata was very insistent on mentioning the government position to Kenshin; it would have to wait until he was finished. As he expected Kenshin appeared silently beside him, waiting for Katsura to speak first and explain. A quick glance to the side informed Katsura of what Kenshin was holding, the note and the box containing the kimono. Katsura chose not to speak in favor of watching the merchants display their wares to the small crowd of early customers. Curiosity aroused Kenshin studied Katsura carefully; trying to discern the reason his presence was required. With mild interest he observed Katsura's appearance, time had favored him with only a few wrinkles and streaks of gray. Turning away Kenshin looked at the item he held in one of his hands, Tomoe's kimono; Katsura's gift. Heaving a mental sigh Katsura faced Kenshin; a person called Sanosuke would show up soon according to Yamagata. Clearing his throat Katsura caught Kenshin's attention and subtly gestured towards the note. Understanding the unspoken cue Kenshin began to speak.

"Katsura-san, why did you give me this?"

 "I thought you would like having it back"

"I've tried to put the past out of my mind"

"Lying doesn't suit you Himura"

"No, it doesn't"

"In reality you remember everything don't you? Each attack, each life, it's all in your memory"

"Yes"

"Do you forgive me for ruining your life?"

"How can I forgive you for something you didn't do?"

"Your hands are stained with blood because of me, I did ruin your life"

"It was my decision to kill"

"I could have turned you away"

"I'm glad you didn't"

"I took advantage of your dream to further my own ideals"

"Your ideals were my dream"

"I would feel better if you blamed me.

"Katsura-san we have had this argument to many times in the past"

            The argument trailed off as the pair began to silently contemplate their own choices. Katsura tried to imagine what Japan would be like if he had turned Kenshin away, while Kenshin thought about those who had died for him. Both watched the sunrise as it signaled the start of a new day, only to interrupted by Sanosuke's approach. A silent understanding passed between them, Katsura disappeared into the morning crowd leaving Kenshin alone with his thoughts. Looking over to the side Kenshin glanced at the police chief hiding in the alley frantically taking notes, Yamagata was having him followed.

"Oi! Kenshin!"

            Yelling my customary greeting I give Kenshin a firm pat on the back. Fortunately he doesn't seem too trouble about his meeting with Katsura, I was worried that he would have to go fight again. Katsura must have just wanted to pay him a social visit; according to Kenshin it's been at least ten years since they've seen each other. Wonder why I haven't heard about a big shot Ishin like him meddling in politics lately?

"How'd the meeting go?"

"It went well"

            I'm pretty sure he's being honest with me, he's a horrible liar but once in a while he'll surprise you. I wanted to surprise him and give him a good morning kiss since he left before I got up, but that old lech is hanging out the window waiting for a show. Doesn't he understand that kissing is supposed to be a loving and intimate gesture not a free show! Now I have to wait until after work, he seems to know what I'm thinking, now he's laughing at me. Crazy old lech.

"Morning ji-san"

"Good morning Kenshin, Sano"

"Good morning Sorata-dono, how are you today?"

            Damn Kenshin and his excessive politeness! I would feel better if he dropped the –dono on that lech's name. The world is not my friend today. At least I haven't been fired yet, Kenshin would be really upset and I wouldn't be able to fulfill the promise I made to myself. Argh! That lech just stole Kenshin to go and discuss the day's specials, I don't even get to talk to him this morning. I really hope Kenshin's enjoying this because I'm not. I hate this stupid uniform; I think that Sorata intentionally gave me a small one. First Katsura and now this! Wait, that reminds me, what did Katsura want anyway? The more I think about it the more I doubt that it was just a quick social type chat. Kenshin starting to stare off into space again, I wish he wouldn't do that, it's creepy seeing him just stand there. Tapping Kenshin on the shoulder lightly only to be rewarded by a sakaba centimeters from my face. He must be worried, you have to really surprise him for him to draw his sword like that. The only other time that's ever happened is when I snuck up at him during Jou-chan's western style party thing. That lech is just merrily laughing his ass off at my misfortune, I'm glad he's having fun. Jerk. He's worse than Jiya, and until now I thought Jiya was the epitome of obnoxiousness. Just a few more weeks of this then I can find a nice well paying job free of crazy old men. Kenshin won't stop apologizing either; I have to shove him into the kitchen to get him to stop. The first customers are already coming in; it's going to be a long, hard day.

            I almost hurt Sano again, I'm started to believe I'm cursed. Everyone I love gets hurt or dies because of me. Akane-san, Kasumi-san and Sakura-san, they died to save me from being killed by the bandits. I wanted to protect them but they wouldn't let me. I killed Tomoe twice; first I killed her happiness, then I killed her body. She also died protecting me. Why did they all try to protect me? I should have died long ago when the bandits attacked; Akane-san, Kasumi-san, and Sakura-san should have been living happy lives today with their husbands and children. Tomoe should be married to Kiyosato and have a few wonderful children that would fill her life with laughter and joy. It's my fault none of those futures came to pass; I should have been the one to die. I wish Sano would blame me it was my fault. Is this how Katsura feels when he argues with me? Why is Katsura in Tokyo anyway, I heard that he died a while ago. I should know better than to trust rumors, the ones about me are hardly true. Yamagata-san has also been acting strange lately, I haven't heard from him yet this week; usually he has the chief stop by to check up on things. Now that he's having been followed I'm beginning to suspect something's not right, he's making sure that if I wander off he'll be able to find me. It's almost like being back with the Ishin Shishi, Katsura always had someone follow me, wouldn't want your top Hitokiri wandering off.

            The rhythmic sound the knife makes as it hits the wood is surprisingly relaxing. The Akai-ya is very busy today; I'm having trouble keeping up with all the orders. Poor Sano, the lunch rush has barely started and he's already on his last nerve. The last time he passed by he was muttering something about blind drunks who thought he was a girl. Hopefully he begins to hate this job enough that he'll quit and just let me do the work. I enjoy knowing that I'm being helpful instead of hurtful, it's a nice role reversal. If only he wasn't so hardheaded, arguing with him is like arguing with a wall. As to be expected my peace doesn't last long, Sorata-dono wants me go out and fetch more daikon, I told him there wouldn't be enough. Sano looks very disappointed; he knows that they can't possibly spare a waiter to run errands. It is fortunate the vegetable stand is close, the markets very crowded now, it's getting hard to find good ingredients. Huh? What's that? There's something hanging on my legs.

"Ken-nii! Ken-nii!"

"Hello Ayame-chan, Suzame-chan"

"Kenshin"

"Hello Genzai-sensei"

"Play with us Ken-nii!"

"Not now, I have to work"

"Later?"

"Yes, later"

            Genzai-sensei bade me farewell as he collected the girls to go to lunch at the dojo. Megumi had taken it upon herself to make sure the dojo's occupants were fed during my absence. I paid for the daikon and returned to the Akai-ya, I don't have time to be loitering.

            Sorata-dono thought that another waiter was needed so he sent me out. I'm glad he isn't making me wear the uniform; I'll admit that it does look absolutely ridiculous. Sano's acting very smug; he must have realized that now I have to do two jobs. Carefully choosing a way to object befitting of the maturity of my 28 years, I stuck my tongue out at him. Sano's only reply was a wink, great, now the customers are laughing at me. Blushing I distributed the dishes I was carrying and raced back into the relative safety of the kitchens. Saitoh is bound to bring this back up; I didn't know he was here until I saw him smirking from a corner table near the kitchen. I wonder why he's not showing Kamatari-dono around, he just joined the police force today. I'll have to ask Kamatari-dono later, I need to finish cooking.

~~~~~~Tokyo Police Department~~~~~~~

            Ara! This is so boring! Saitoh's being such an asshole; he dumped all his paper work on me! That jerk, I've already had another officer give me his. The next officer who tries to unload his paperwork on me is going to become intimately acquainted with my Oh Gama. All this ink is getting under my nails and it's making them look bad. Where's that weird police chief disappeared off to? He comes back randomly, writes something, stuffs it in a file, then leaves. I'd rather do whatever he's doing though; at least he's not up to his eyeballs in paperwork. Since when does petty theft require a thick stack of paperwork? I'd hate to see what the paperwork for a murder case is like. I really should have stayed in Europe; all these officers are jerks. I can't believe they won't let me keep my Oh Gama with me; they're making me leave it in a closet. A closet! The list of officers' lives I'm going to make a living hell is getting long; I need to shorten it. Just a few months of this then I'm off the hook, Yamagata said that if I can get myself promoted I don't have to work for the government anymore. This'll be easy, I better than all of these slackers the government has the nerve to call officers. The weird chief's back, he thinks he lost his file. I sort of amusing to see him running around like a headless chicken, I'm going to find out exactly what's in that file. Unconsciously I glance at the drawer I hid the file in, the chief gave up soon after and left leaving his report on the desk. Making sure none of the other officers were around I took out the rather thick file. He has to have at least twenty reports stuffed in this thing. Let's see, this folder is from Meiji eleven, must be when Himura-kun got here. I wish the chair's here were more comfortable; all this westernizing is annoying. Hmm, this report looks interesting, wonder what Himura-kun did.

            'We finally found the Battousai today. When we checked the Kamiya dojo a kid and a girl tried to stop us. Who would protect a murderer? The kid managed to warn the manslayer but we caught up to him anyway. I was worried we were going to lose him again; he's very elusive. Fortunately some police swordsman at the marketplace stalled him. He is amazing; by the time we arrived he had already defeated all of the swordsman without killing any of them. Why did he hesitate to kill? He didn't resist arrest either, if could defeat the swordsmen surely a few regular officers wouldn't be a problem. From what I've heard about his skill he wouldn't even have to try to elude us again. His Excellency then asked us to release the Battousai, that's strange he's the one who wanted us to capture the Battousai. The Battousai is a hero? I never thought of it that way, I suppose that he played a key role in bringing down the Tokugawa shogunate. His Excellency even offered the Battousai a coveted government position. The Battousai vowed never to kill again? How could he turn down such a favorable position? The Battousai is not even close to the man I thought he was, he's relatively short and his eyes a strange violet color. His Excellency has instructed me to keep track of the Battousai's movements. What is his Excellency planning?'

            It's not a folder of reports, more like a reference journal. I like the chief's job better, he gets to follow Himura-kun around instead of filling out forms. He really believed all those stupid rumors about Himura-kun; that does nothing for my faith in the government. All the other officers think it's a big joke that the alleged Battousai now works at the Akai-ya. They think the real Battousai is a giant with cold amber eyes and hair the color of fire. One for three, that's not a good sign; I hope none of them piss him off any time in the future. Hopefully one day they'll all learn that the mild mannered, violet eyed, short, easygoing Rurouni can kick their asses without breaking a sweat. Finally it's time for my lunch break, I wonder if I could sneak some of this paperwork onto Saitoh's desk?  Probably not, that stupid wolf took his lunch break early, he could be back any minute; better not risk it. I threw the file on the floor by the chief's desk so he wouldn't trace it back to me and retrieved my Oh Gama from the closet. According to Saitoh the police have a tab going with the Akai-ya, which means all my meals during work a compliments of the government.

            Awww, Sano-kun didn't think he'd see me today; I'm hurt. The police department isn't that far away, why would I pass up a free meal? That uniform is so adorable! I didn't really get to see it the other night; it was too dark. Wonderful! Now I have some leverage against him, he'd hate the others to know what his uniform really looks like. I can't wait to take the others here when I get paid! Argh! Damn my luck! That jerk Saitoh, excuse me, Fujita Goro is here. How long does it take him to eat lunch? I can't wait to dump my paperwork onto his desk. He really does have the manners and tact of the wild wolf he claims to be. Oh my, Sano-kun's made poor Himura-kun wait on me, he must still be hung up on the cross-dressing thing. He doesn't have any room to talk though, his uniform's very feminine looking. He must be the cross-dressing aho Saitoh was referring to; I already know that Saitoh calls me an annoying cross-dresser behind my back. The other officers always make jokes about a gangster that managed to piss off Saitoh, his description matches Sano-kun's. I could really see Sano-kun being an ex-gangster; he did beat Anji. Himura-kun looks very busy, he's passed by at least five times carrying plates and such. Another waiter has started attending my table, too bad, I was hoping to talk to Himura-kun. I'll have plenty of opportunities though, I'll most likely eat here everyday. I wonder if the police tab covers dinner, Yahiko-kun said that Karou-chan's cooking was horrible. Megumi-chan's is very good, but she has to attend to a patient tonight so we are on our own as far as dinner is concerned. How bad could it be?

~~~Week Later~~~

            Busu's making me clean the entire dojo again, how is cleaning going to help my swordsmanship? I should be practicing now! Since Yutaro's back busu's been paying more attention to him and making me to all the chores. Yutaro's been acting weird lately, he's been avoiding me; maybe he's afraid of my superior skill. Why did Kenshin have to move in with Sano? Now busu's a little depressed and I have to do twice as many chores. As if that isn't enough the weasel girl's coming with Aoshi, that means I have to clean out two more rooms. Stupid weasel girl never shows up at a good time. I hope Misao can cook, with Kenshin gone and Megumi busy all the time I'm stuck eating Karou's toxic cooking. Kamatari is lucky; he gets to eat at a nice restaurant every day and only had to eat Karou's cooking once or twice. Maybe he'll take me with him one day if I beg enough, its not like he has to pay for his meal. Since the Akai-ya opened while we were in Kyoto I don't know much about it, but I heard the food is excellent. Busu's yelling again, now she wants me to help Yutaro. How am I supposed to finish all these chores if she keeps interrupting me?

"How much longer Aoshi-sama?"

"An hour or two"

"You finally answered!"

"…"

"Don't start that again Aoshi-sama!"

"…" 

Misao won't leave me in peace, first she dragged me on this trip and now she insists on trying to get me to talk and smile. I still don't know how I got talked into this, I've already kept my promise to Himura and Misao doesn't need protection. Himura can handle any trouble Misao gets into. Misao has too much energy; she's like a hummingbird flitting from flower to flower. She's excited about seeing her friends again; outside of the Aoi-ya she doesn't have many friends in Kyoto. She keeps mentioning a relation of Okina's; the thought makes me cringe mentally. The idea of more people like Okina is faintly disturbing. Has Tokyo changed any since my last visit? From here it appears to be the same, I should be back in Kyoto. At least when we arrive at the Kamiya dojo I can finally find some peace and quiet. 

            Misao-chan's coming for a visit and she's even managed to bring our wayward okashira along. Jiya must have had something to do with it, he's been trying to play matchmaker for a while now. Aoshi must be very stubborn if he can see through little brother's tricks. It's time for big brother Sorata to have a go; I was always better at this type of thing. I'm been so bored with nothing to do. With Himura and Sano together the only thing I can do is antagonize them, which is fun in its own way. I wish Jiya had told me a little more, I have only the knowledge that Aoshi is not to be allowed near temples and quiet places to go off. Maybe I should put him to work, it would take some of the strain off of poor Himura. I work Himura harder than I should most days. That reminds me, according to Jiya, Himura and Sano are friends of Aoshi's. This will get interesting, Jiya doesn't know what he's going to be missing; he should have come along with Misao-chan. Perhaps he'll come later, we've always had more success working together.

            Once again Kenshin apologized for hitting someone in the head with his sword's sheath. The Akai-ya was very crowded and it was hard to walk anywhere without bumping into anyone. The way the seating arrangements were Kenshin found it difficult to turn around without hitting anyone who was sitting down. Today had been particularly taxing on Kenshin since Saitoh decided to irritate Sanosuke. It took Kenshin everything he had to restrain Sanosuke from trying to ruin Saitoh's kakesoba. Kenshin knew Saitoh well enough to know that any one who interfered with his meal was a dead man, or in this era a severely injured man. Kenshin also had some troubles of his own, the ladies in the restaurant being one of them. They were quite impressed with Kenshin's knowledge of domestic chores; he was beginning to wish he never gave them that laundry tip. Sorata had also conveniently disappeared when Kenshin and Sano went to discuss their hours. As to be expected Kenshin's thoughts wandered back to the dojo and its occupants. Was Karou all right? Was the laundry done? Was Yahiko getting enough to eat? Kenshin felt a little guilty about leaving the dojo, he had planned to leave eventually but Karou was determined not to let him go. The dojo should be safer from his enemies now, but this also made Sano a better target. He was almost certain those that wished to kill him were killed or defeat but there was always a chance. The noisy atmosphere of the restaurant never let him drift off for long though, he was brought back to reality by the yells of his co-workers

"Himura!"

"Oro!"

"Move it, the orders are ready"

"Hai, hai"

            The Akai-ya has gotten even busier; a few groups from Kyoto and Hokkaido have just arrived. I don't think that there's a festival or holiday anything soon, so why are they here? It must just be a coincidence that they all stopped here. All the groups appear to be made up of wealthy and prominent members of society, possibly politicians. I wish they'd stop teasing Sano though; he hates it when people make fun of him. I hope they don't expect me to bring all the food out at once, I think I may be able to manage five bowls of miso soup at a time. Interesting, they must be politicians; I've heard Katsura's and Yamagata's name come up a few times in their discussion. It's been about a week since I've talked with Katsura; is he planning something? I have to leave the groups to retrieve a few more orders; good I can hear them from here. One the groups out of Kyoto's conversation has just gotten a bit more interesting, I feel stupid creeping around and trying to listen in while pouring tea.

"I heard Katsura's finally tracked down his pet Hitokiri"

"The devil's still alive"

"Alive and in good shape"

"That would explain the party"

"Katsura wants to parade his pet around, perhaps to intimidate us"

"I heard he turned down a government job and hasn't killed since the Bakumatsu"

"Interesting"

"I also heard he's been cleaning up the governments messes"

*Crash*

"Gomen Nasai! Let me clean that up!"

             I didn't mean to draw attention to myself, the teapot just slipped. How did they know so much about my activities and Katsura? At least I didn't spill tea on anyone, I want to be able to stay and find out more about this party. How come Katsura didn't tell me about it? It sounds like he could be in danger; I should be there to protect him. He probably was going to tell me the day before so I couldn't back out. Why does he insist on treating me like he did in Kyoto? If he truly wanted me to attend the party I would have gone without any protest; I really couldn't refuse any logical request from him. Katsura knows that, I'm not the same person I used to be. The party's not for a couple weeks, but there are numerous smaller gatherings beforehand. Katsura and Yamagata need to stop plotting behind my back; I don't want to be involved anymore. I've finally found my happiness and I don't want any harm coming to Sanosuke or the others. I'm too involved in this already, I would have been anyway I suppose. At least I'll be there to watch over Katsura, these groups do not look favorably upon him.

~~~Kamiya Dojo, Next Morning~~~

             I wish Kenshin was here, without him all the household chores seem to triple. Yahiko is almost hopeless with the laundry so I have to do that on top of all the cooking. How did Kenshin ever manage to keep everything running to smoothly? Misao-chan and Aoshi didn't arrive until after Kenshin and Sano left so I couldn't convince him to stay awhile and help out. Misao-chan and Aoshi's visit is going to be a surprise for Kenshin, I suspect that during Aoshi's last visit they became good friends. The only good thing is that Tae will be too busy with Misao-chan and Aoshi to bother with my lack of a relationship with Kenshin. I really do need Kenshin; I can't keep up the dojo with all the extra people here. His boss better give him a week off so he can help out around here, Sano will just have to work double.

            Whoa! Busu's on the warpath again. What's bothering her this time? Well if she's gone I can get a decent breakfast, unlike Karou, Misao can actually cook recognizable food. I think she went out to get Kenshin to play maid for her for a while; doesn't she remember that he has a job now? His job actually comes with a real paycheck instead of bad cooking and beatings. I feel sorry for Kenshin, when Karou's mad there's no stopping her. If Karou did go to get Kenshin it saves me a trip, that police chief came by with a letter for Kenshin earlier. He knows that Kenshin moved out, but the jerk keeps bringing the letters here and making me deliver them. Sano's place isn't that much farther out of his way. Hey, if Kenshin comes back to cook and clean I can start practicing with Yutaro again. Karou should just ask that bum Kamatari to help out, earn his keep and all. Maybe since Kamatari's also got a real job he'll treat us all to dinner sometime. I heard that the restaurant that Kenshin and Sano are working at is really good.

            For most the day would pass uneventfully, for some it would be a semi-traumatic experience. An angry Karou can ruin anyone's day it a blink of an eye, especially if they happened to be near the Akai-ya at the time. Bravely Kenshin stepped out of the Akai-ya tried to calm her without any significant property damage, but his efforts were in vain as in a way distinctly her own, Karou brought her bokken down on the poor rurouni's head while she ranted about the injustice of being left alone to take care of all the chores. Her ranting had attracted a small crowd of curious onlookers, puzzled as to why an armed man would take such abuse without complaint. Sorata followed soon after concerned for the welfare of his best employee, he soon learned why Kenshin just stood there. Reluctantly he gave Kenshin the rest of the workweek off and offered to send Sano by to help later. Unfortunately for him it set Karou off on another round of ranting about ungrateful lazy freeloaders. At this point all of the onlookers had taken a step back and were questioning the intelligence of staying in the area. Giving up on trying to convince Karou she'd be fine without Kenshin, Sorata turned back towards the Akai-ya and prayed for Kenshin's safety.

"Karou-dono, I should be back at work"

"You have the week off, get busy! The laundry's waiting for you in the back"

"Y-Y-Yes Karou-dono"

"Himura!"

"Misao-dono?"

"Surprise! Aoshi-sama and I are visiting!"

"Aoshi's here?"

"Misao-chan managed to convince him to come"

"I will have to welcome him later"

            Karou-dono got me off work to do the laundry? I suppose she's been busy with all the visitors and her classes. With all the new students her afternoons are mostly full and she doesn't have much skill with cooking or the laundry. I hope she doesn't plan on doing this everything she gets visitors; I really need to work. Yahiko said that Murakai-dono dropped by earlier with a letter. It's from Katsura about the party, I was wrong; he wasn't going to tell me the day before. He asked that I bring Sano, but inform him if I plan on bringing anyone else. Karou-dono will want to come and if she comes then the others will come too. I have two weeks to figure this out, the party's not till the 25th, and hopefully I can convince Karou not to come before then. She's already read the letter and is asking about Katsura. Yahiko's surprisingly sensitive to the moods of others; he distracts Karou and leaves giving me a thumbs up sign so I can do the laundry in peace. Must be some western gesture he learned from Yutaro. Karou probably also wants me to take over the cooking while I'm here, what to make. At least I only have a week of this until I can return to the Akai-ya. Karou's first class of beginners has arrived; they looked surprised to see Misao-dono, Aoshi, and I. Predictably Aoshi vacates the practice room in search of silence and solitude. Perhaps Misao-dono will take him sightseeing or have him help Karou with her class. I have a good hour to finish the laundry before Karou's advanced class arrives; I haven't helped Karou since I moved out. I'll make it up to her and the students today, perhaps I'll teach part of the class; Karou's style was fairly easy to pick up. Her advanced class is mostly her older students, lured back by the promise of a true sword master and tales of battle. How they ever found out about the sword master bit is beyond me, but Karou would have gotten them back anyway with her tales of Kyoto or Raijuta. She is a very good storyteller; most of my battles last year are now popular stories among he students. Karou has been forced to turn away students due to the sudden rise of interest in kenjitsu. I no longer worry about kenjitsu's future; it will survive the Meiji era. Leaving the laundry to dry I pass by the practice room to check on Karou-dono, Misao-dono somehow got Aoshi to help out. She even has him demonstrating his water flow technique, I'm glad he's only demonstrating, some of Karou-dono's students like to try and sneak up on me. Closing the door I continue to the kitchen where Ayame-chan and Suzame-chan are waiting, they help make some nigirimeshi while I bake sweet potatoes. When I help teach I always like to have a treat ready, Shishou always had something to eat after practice. I can see some of the members of the advance class making their way towards the kitchen, probably trying to steal a sweet potato before class. Setting the potatoes in their usual basket I go outside to join the students. When I step into the practice room I'm greeted by a chorus of voices yelling, "Konnichiwa Himura-sensei!"; they still won't stop referring to me as their teacher. Karou-dono begins the day's lesson, which is my cue to start going around and quietly correct stances and grips. As usual I spend more time with one of the students than the others, as much as I try not to play favorites I often pick Shinji. I pick him because he reminds me of myself before my hands became stained with blood and Shishou was still instructing me on the ways of Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu. That was when I was a loud, outspoken teenager who naively believed he could change the world. I had never killed, I didn't know what the consequences of my actions would be or what lay ahead; I only saw my goal. Shishou knew though, he tried to tell me but I refused to listen. In the end he just let me walk the path I chose, the hardest path I could take. When I left I thought I knew the meaning of Hiten's motto and that Shishou was a hypocrite. I was wrong, I was always wrong when I argued with Shishou. But because I was wrong Shinji or any of Karou-dono's other students will ever have to make the choice I made. They can live their lives without staining their hands with blood, if it was still the Bakumatsu the non-killing teachings of Kamiya Kasshin Ryu would most likely not exist.

"Himura-sensei, that's not the days lesson"

"Oro? Gomen nasai Shinji"

During my reminiscing I had unconsciously started practicing Hiten. Shinji looks very concerned; it's unusual for me to drift off like that. All the recent events have sent my mind wandering to the past. Correcting my stance I complete the day's lesson, the other boys are excited now. Because of the infrequency of my distraction, they rarely are able to see any of my style. Their eyes have acquired a pleading look, I understand their feelings completely. I enjoyed watching Shishou practice when I wasn't on the receiving end of his blows. To me Hiten Mitsurugi Ryu looks like a deadly dance of infinite grace, a silent siren. A small demonstration couldn't hurt; I would hate to disappoint them. I lead them outside where I know there is a good-sized rock the Karou-dono wanted to get rid of. It makes a perfect target for a well-aimed Dou Ryu Sen. I should have warmed up more first, I can feel my muscles protesting the sudden action; I must be getting soft. After they finish staring the students go and help themselves to the sweet potatoes, they are joined soon after by Yahiko and Yutaro, drawn by the promise of food and friends. Karou-dono should let them practice with the class more often; they could both use the experience of fighting with many different people. Everyone moves and attacks a bit differently even if they both use the same style. I can't help but smile as the students say their goodbyes and hurry off to the market place to hang out. Your baka deshi made the right choice Shishou; did you know that when I left? You could have stopped me if you wanted to.

Is this format easier for everyone to read? I'm gotten some complaints on the dialogue with some of my other stuff. Wow, that was a longer chapter. Umm if I stole someone's name for the chief I apologize, I was trying to remember if he had a name other than "chief-dono" and Murakai popped up. I know that there are no hummingbirds in Japan; for the sake of comparison Aoshi knows what one is. Same deal with Kenshin and the siren comment. Don't know, too lazy to research. According to my translator nigirimeshi is a rice ball; I am most likely incorrect. Please leave any nice/nasty comments in review form and please direct your flames to crazy_miko@gundamwing.net where they will be properly read and replied to. They will later be laughed at then placed at the end of the next chapter with the email address so everyone can have a good hearty belly laugh at your expense. Like the new teaser? Title? Please let me know.  Once again I thank A-chan for all her help so give her the credit she deserves. Please leave a review. Ja ne minna!


	7. Sake, Tempura, and a ruined kimono

5/12/02: Happy Mothers Day everyone. The interlude will make an appearance sometime in the near future. An entire mini chapter devoted to Katsu and Megumi. For now though all I have for you is part 7.

*****The title has been changed! It is now Balance and Control*****

A-Chan Yuy is co-writing this fic with me so don't forget to give her the credit she deserves in your reviews! *Giggles* I have feedback! Raven_Shay and Ryoko Tokimi are the only people who left me a nice review, thank you! Hey Ryoko, I'd love to read some of your stuff, would you please send it to crazy_miko@gundamwing.net I had another review but I'll mess with that at the end since its negative. Not quite a flame, maybe a spark, but negative none the less. I was about to put this fic on hold until after finals if Raven_Shay and Ryoko Tokimi hadn't reviewed, contrary to popular belief I do have an outside life and fanfiction just eats up my time.

Disclaimer: I do not own Rurouni Kenshin; it belongs to its respective companies. I am a high school student; you sue me you'll get squat and a bill for your lawyer's time. 

Warnings for this Chapter: This will be yaoi/shonen ai, which means male/male relationships, GAY! I will not tolerate flames from people about Kenshin's or Sanosuke's or whoever's sexual orientation, it's my fic and he'll be what I damn well please. I've screwed around with ages and such so just ignore any age changes or original story changes; trust me there's a reason I did it. And yes, I know Tomoe's thing is a scarf/shawl now, but it stays a ribbon for the sake of consistency. 

Archive: If you want it take it, just send me the site addy.

Do let me know if I go overboard I can get a little lost in my writing at times. Beware the POV changes often and without much warning! As usual story picks up right where it left off unless otherwise noted.

_Italics_ indicate thought when in 3rd person POV

/…. / Indicate thoughts in 1st person POV or in Kenshin's POV Battousai

//…. // (Kenshin POV only) Rurouni

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Balance and Control: Part 7~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

~~~~Next Morning~~~~

Ara, it has only been a week since I started living here. Seems like I've lived here forever, it also seems like I've known everyone that long. I suppose a week is long enough for life to change for anyone, from what I understand, Himura-kun's decision to live with Sanosuke-kun turned everyone else's lives upside down. He hardly ever has time to visit, I only see him after work on occasion or when Kaoru-chan brings him back to do chores. It must be hard for Kaoru-chan to try and run a dojo by herself, now that Himura-kun's gone she also has to take care of the housework. Perhaps I should start helping out more, I am staying here for free after all. Kaoru-chan is very kind to let someone who once tried to kill her stay in her home. She's very trusting; my guess is that she believes in giving people second chances. So far she's collected the Hitokiri Battousai, a fighter for hire, a pickpocket, and an opium manufacturer. Wait, I forgot about myself, she now has a Juppon Gatana under her roof, lucky her. When those jerks at the station decide to pay me I'll have to take them all to dinner, then I can start to pay Kaoru-chan back for all her kindness.

            Kaoru's taking us shopping! I'm glad Himura and Aoshi-sama are getting along now. I bet Aoshi-sama is really thankful that Kaoru made Himura come, I know Aoshi-sama's been talking to him when he thought I wasn't looking. He'll have to thank Tae-san for that; it was her idea to bring Himura along with us. Just you wait Aoshi-sama, I'll get you to smile yet! Megumi's advice really did work; I've grown in the past year, now maybe Aoshi-sama will think that I'm not a child anymore. Megumi's acting kind of strange today, she hasn't been flirting with Himura that much. I wonder if she's planning something. According to Yahiko, Megumi flirts with Himura shamelessly; he also mentioned that Himura was acting strange too. Could they be doing something together? No! Himura wouldn't do that to Kaoru, would he? Time to put the Tokyo branch of the Oniwa Banshu's skills to the test. Hopefully they'll have some information on Himura's activities. I have to find out for Kaoru!

            Aoshi is not enjoying his trip; Misao-dono hasn't once let him out of her sight and insisted that he accompany us to the market. Aoshi has changed greatly of the past year; the Aoshi I knew would have never let Misao-dono talk him into doing anything he didn't want to do. If I remember correctly, Jiya could barely get Aoshi to pick Misao-dono up in Tokyo last year. Maybe I was correct assuming that Aoshi has feelings for Misao-dono, even if he doesn't realize it. Its none of my business though, I'm not any good with matchmaking. Besides, if it's meant to be, it will happen.

            I wish Sano and Kamatari-dono weren't working today, I feel guilty being off while they have to work. Maybe Kaoru-dono will let me go back to work early if Kamatari-dono and Misao-dono help out at the dojo. While I'm here I should at least find something nice for Sano, a present would help lift his spirits. I have the money but the hard part is getting away from Kaoru-dono and Misao-dono, they wouldn't approve of me buying more sake. A glance to my side tells me that Aoshi has guessed what I'm planning; I shouldn't leave him behind with the girls. I give him the smallest nod when Kaoru-dono and Misao-dono turn away from us, I do feel guilty leaving them like this, but it is necessary.

            Himura is going out of his way for me. I am grateful that he understands that I would prefer to be somewhere quiet. He is very observant, a requirement for his previous employment, I have no doubt that he knows why I allowed Misao to bring me to Tokyo. I am glad I came now, Himura is very easy to talk to and I have some issues I would like to discuss with him away from Misao and the others. I should be able to coax Misao into leaving me alone for at least half a day. I will have to ask Himura to take care of Kaoru though, I am fairly certain she would not listen to my request. Sake? Why would Himura be buying sake? I remember him telling me once that he didn't particularly care for it. For someone who dislikes it he is buying a fair amount. Perhaps he is hosting a small party, I do not remember Misao or Kaoru mentioning one though.

"Himura"

"Aa?"

"Why are you buying sake?"

"It's for Sano"

            Sanosuke. He's the one with the chicken hair and loud manner. Why would Himura be buying sake for him? Misao described him as a loud; good for nothing free loader who drinks far too much. I am not completely sure of the truth in her words; I did not see him much after he brought Himura back to the Aoi-ya.

"Achoo!"

            Someone must be talking about me; I hope it's not that asshole Saitoh. I can't believe Jou-chan got Kenshin the rest of the week off so he could play maid for her. Poor Kenshin, he must be knee deep in Jou-chan's dirty laundry by now. I'll be glad when he's back, the customers are asking for him and I have to do his jobs as well. Well, I don't have to cook; I've been banned from the kitchen area. It's not like it was a big fire or anything. I wish those groups from Kyoto and Hokkaido would find somewhere else to eat, with them around it's always busy during lunch and dinner. As if that isn't bad enough the ladies in the groups keep teasing me about this stupid uniform, I am getting a different job as soon as possible. The only good thing about today is that Saitoh and Kama-chan are keeping their mouths shut. I never ever want to be referred to as the "cross dressing aho" again, never. Doesn't Saitoh have anything better to do with his time besides pissing me off? What happened to all that "Aku, Soku, Zan" crap?

            I hope I bought enough sake; I only was able to get four jugs. I should have tried to get six; Sano will want to have another drinking contest. It's probably for the best though, he needs to work in the morning and a hangover would not help his job performance. One weekend I'll buy enough sake for a real drinking contest, Sano would like that. It would have to be after Katsura's party though; I need to be on my guard until then. Those groups at the Akai-ya have done something to assuage my fears about Katsura's safety. There are still too many in power that look unfavorably upon the Meiji government and would benefit from Katsura's death. What really worries me is their knowledge of my recent meeting with Katsura; they must have someone watching him.  This peaceful living has caused me to grow soft; I did not sense anyone else's presence but the chief's. There are few people who have been able to hide from me: Saitoh, Okita, and Shishou are the only three. Okita has been dead for many years, Saitoh is busy with his own personal mission, and Shishou is still on his mountain near Kyoto. That means there is another very skilled fighter alive and in Tokyo. I can't remember anyone who survived the Bakumatsu with such skill. It could be a member of the Shinsen-gumi or a fighter from the Satsuma. I know of all the fighters affiliated with Choshu and none alive would be able to reach that level. The Bakumatsu is still too recent for me not to know of a newer fighter with that much skill, they would have to be extremely talented to reach this level in less than ten years. My instincts say Shinsen-gumi, one of the captains most likely; the second division captain did have the potential. If their aim is to dispose of Katsura then they will do so at the party since they haven't attacked yet. Are they waiting for something or someone?

/You've grown soft/

//We haven't spoken recently//

/Your carelessness has not endangered us recently, I am fairly certain those groups wish to dispose of us as well/

//I'm not careless. You might be right about the groups though. What would you suggest? Kill them? //

/Wait and see, and do not get distracted or lose your temper/

He does have a point; it's probably the best thing to do at the moment. He has never given me bad advice before.

/You are too trusting/

//What? //

/I could be leading you into a situation where I would gain control/

//I won't lose control though/

He still doesn't understand; even if my life were threatened I will not kill. The Battousai never did understand me. I sometimes wonder how I am keeping him under control; perhaps he is just letting me have control. He did invent me, the Rurouni, as a way to atone for his crimes. Do I really have control? Is he just using me as a front, hoping his enemies will lower their guard against me? Two people are not meant to share the same body, when it comes to the time when only one of us can exist will he win?

"Himura, are you alright?"

"Huh? Oh, I'm fine Aoshi"

I had forgotten where I was; Aoshi seems unsettled by my distraction. Battousai is reprimanding me for potentially giving an enemy an opening to attack. It's a little disconcerting how he just appears without warning to give advice. We are two extremes, we need to find some type of middle ground, Aoshi is trying to bring me back to reality again, and I give him one of my usual smiles to reassure him that nothing is wrong. From the way he is looking at me he can see that it is forced, I didn't really expect him to fall for it. He is much more observant than Kaoru-dono in that way.

            He helps me carry my purchase back to the dojo, as we passed Yahiko on the way out of the market I asked him to tell Kaoru-dono that we would be at the dojo. I hope Yahiko remembers to tell her. It doesn't surprise me that he leaves the sake in a corner and goes to the kitchen area to find the tea. I discovered on his last visit that he prefers to be drinking tea when having a serious conversation, perhaps one of the reasons Misao-dono has not had much luck talking to Aoshi is that she doesn't know this. Something must be on his mind this time; it is rare for him to initiate a conversation. I could be jumping to conclusions; he hasn't brought his tea back here. 

            Kenshin's guess was accurate; it wasn't long before Aoshi returned from the kitchen with two cups of tea and a troubled expression on his face. They sat in a companionable silence as Kenshin tried to guess what was bothering Aoshi, his actions seemed very out of character. Sipping his tea patiently Kenshin waited for Aoshi to speak, he did not have long to wait.

"What do you think of Misao?"

"She is a very nice girl, you know she is very fond of you"

"…"

"Aoshi, she is a woman now"

"I know"

"You should tell her how you feel"

"…"

"Even if you don't love her"

"…Thank you Himura"

Kenshin waved a hand dismissively, content to drink his tea and wait for Aoshi to sort out his thoughts. After setting his cup down Kenshin pondered his own advice, Kaoru was still infatuated with him. Picking at one of his gi's sleeves Kenshin thought about when they would tell the others about his and Sanosuke's relationship, they deserved to know.

            Aoshi must be genuinely confused about his feelings for Misao-dono; I suspect that he is torn between loving her as a little sister and loving her as a woman. For him to ask me my advice speaks greatly about the depth of his feelings, whatever they might be. I do hope that he finds the courage to tell Misao-dono how he feels before another man steals her away; she would be a good match for him. Time passes all to quickly, the sun has already begun to set, Sano should be getting off work soon and I need to start dinner. Aoshi seems to notice this too, he silently picks up the cups and teapot and leaves. Tonight I will make something special for everyone; it has been a hectic day. I believe Kaoru-dono had the ingredients for Shrimp Tempura in the kitchen.

            Man, Jou-chan and the others sure are loud; I can hear them from a block away. Judging by their conversation they just got back. Looks like it'll be a full house for dinner tonight.

"Kenshin! We're back!"

"Aoshi-sama! Where are you?"

"Aoshi is in the garden Misao-dono"

"So Himura-kun, what's for dinner?"

"Kamatari-dono? I'm sorry I didn't see you there, was work okay?"

"You're cooking, right? I don't wanna eat any more of busu's cooking"

"Watch your moth brat! My cooking isn't that bad!"

"Please calm down Kaoru-dono, I making Shrimp Tempura"

"Your specialty, huh?"

"Sano? When did you get here?"

"Just now"

            Kenshin's really outdone himself this time. That tempura smells wonderful! I'm about to die of hunger no thanks to that crazy old lecher. Jou-chan'll never be able to cook as well as Kenshin does; it's like his swordsmanship in a sense, in a class of its own. Only bad part about tonight is we have to eat with everyone else, I want to have Kenshin all to myself for a while. Kenshin told me that he picked up some sake at the market though; we can still have a nice night of drinking by ourselves. Guess everyone's not here tonight, Dr. Hans and Yutaro went out earlier today to go and see to some things at Yutaro's place. They're probably missing their one and only chance to try some of Kenshin's specialty before they head back to Izu for good. He only makes

 Shrimp Tempura once every six months or so if we're lucky or he's feeling particularly happy. There's got to be some kind of reason for it, all of Kenshin's little quirks have some kind of back-story. Until recently I didn't know why he always used to wear his hair in a low ponytail instead of a high one. He's been putting his hair up both ways though recently, for some reason it makes me a bit uneasy. When his hair is up in a high ponytail he just looks more dangerous I guess. It's just a ponytail though, it doesn't mean anything. There are more pressing things to attend to like seeing if Aoshi is hiding in the garden again, the lech is looking for him and the weasel girl for some reason or another. Some sort of Oniwa Banshu thing I guess, now that I think of it I wonder why I didn't realize that Sorata was Oniwa Banshu earlier. Just proves that they're everywhere, surprisingly though they didn't really establish themselves in Tokyo until after the Shishio incident, seeing that their home base had been moved to Kyoto earlier. That's not really important either; I'm just supposed to tell Aoshi that Sorata wants to talk to him.

~~~~~~~~~~2 Hours Later~~~~~~~~~

            The sake is very heavy; Sano is carrying his jugs as if they weighed hardly anything at all. Judging by the expression on his face he is planning to have a drinking contest with me tonight. After living with Shishou for so long I'm nearly immune to the effects of sake, but even without Shishou's influence Sano can drink as much if not more than me before he becomes truly drunk. 

"Hey Kenshin, wanna see who can drink the most?"

"We only have four jugs Sano"

"So we might as well drink them all"

Sighing I pick up my first jug and start to empty it. I knew that even without enough jugs for a true contest he'd want to try anyway. As I finish my first jug Sano takes a few gulps of his, he's planning something.

"Hey Kenshin, I was just wondering about something earlier. Where'd you learn to cook?"

"I just picked it up while wandering"

That lie sounded terrible even to me. He's giving me a look that tells me he's not even the slightest bit satisfied with my evasive lie. I could just tell him the truth; it is a fairly innocent question. There wouldn't be much to explain since he already knows about Tomoe.

"Did Tomoe teach you?"

"How did you know that?"

Sano is very intelligent; sometimes his carefree attitude and lack of formal education lead even me to think that he is not as observant as he is. Tonight would be a good night for a story, every time I tell Sano about Tomoe it hurts less to remember her. 

"She did teach me, while we were in Otsu"

"Why?"

"I wanted to learn something besides killing"

"But cooking?"

"I wanted to make people happy instead of sad"

"Makes sense, another question, how come you never make the others the same tempura you make me?"

"That's a special recipe"

"Special?"

"It was the last one Tomoe taught me"

~~~~~~Otsu, 1865~~~~~~~

"Anata, this is the last dish I know"

            Tomoe must think it is strange that I want her to teach me how to cook. She never asked why though, she just began to quietly murmur instructions into my ear and silently guide my hands as I prepared the ingredients. She has taught me how to do many things while we are here; how to cook, clean, and sew. She knows why I want to learn how to perform daily tasks that are considered a woman's job, she knows that I want to pretend to normal for just a little while. She knows that I want to be someone completely opposite from the Battousai for as long as I can. Tomoe brushes past me as she helps me prepare the shrimp; tonight is the night that she will teach me her family's special dish. I wonder if all the women in every family have a special dish that is passed down from daughter to daughter. I feel a twinge of regret as I realize that Tomoe's special dish will be passed on to me instead of her daughter. Tomoe tells me that this is a dish to be made only for the ones I truly love. I still can't see how it is different from regular tempura. She takes great care in making sure I learn the recipe completely and shows me where they are in a small book that she carries with her so I can see them when she's gone. Does this means she plans to leave as soon as out period of hiding is over? When I ask her all she does is smile cryptically. The tempura's finished already; my cooking education from Tomoe is complete now. She has nothing more to teach me.

            "…It took me a long time to figure out what made it so different. No matter how many reasons I came up with it never explained why it tasted better or why the breading always seemed a little bit thicker even if the same amount as in regular tempura was used. After my first year of wandering it finally came to me, it was better because Tomoe made it for me and me only then. Because I knew that unconsciously it tasted better and I noticed all the little differences in it, like the extra bit of rice wine in the sauce, things like that. It's special because it's only made for the ones you truly love as Tomoe told me it should. That's why I only make it for you. I love the others but that's a different kind of love. Does this make any sense to you?"

            I never expected Kenshin to tell me that much about it. Tomoe really was an amazing woman, I'm sure if she had lived her and Kenshin would be happily married with a lot kids. It explains some of Kenshin's more domestic skills, another thing that I'd been wondering about but didn't want to ask. I just wish I didn't have to prompt him from him tell me anything, I told him everything about Sagara-taichou and the Sekihou Tai but I still don't know a lot about his past. I think we've done enough drinking for tonight; we can save the last jug for another occasion. Every time Kenshin tells one of his stories about the past he's exhausted afterwards, it really hurts him to remember it. Jou-chan and the others have no idea how much they mean to Kenshin for him to make them even the regular tempura. The fact that he makes them any type of tempura at all shows that they are very special to him. Kenshin's eyes are already fluttering open and shut, that was a particularly long story that centered solely on Tomoe. I can barely get Kenshin to undress for bed and climb into our futon before he falls asleep. Brushing the bangs from his eyes I lay down beside him, everyday I learn more about him. 

            Something is bothering Aoshi-sama, he's been acting strangely since Himura left with Sanosuke. He seems restless for some reason, at least restless by his standards. He's changed positions three times since dinner, usually once he sits down to meditate he doesn't move at all until someone makes him. He's also tensed up a little every time I walk by, he doesn't usually react to my presence unless he's trying to hide something from me. Himura must have told him something unsettling during their talk, and I know Aoshi won't tell me unless it's really really important and I absolutely have to know and then he won't even tell me everything. Only problem is Himura is about as stubborn as Aoshi-sama is at times and it would take months to annoy Aoshi-sama enough so he'd tell me anything. Himura's probably my best bet for getting an explanation. Aoshi-sama is already so unhappy looking; he hasn't even smiled once since he came back. It's been a whole year! If Himura doesn't tell me what's bothering Aoshi-sama, I'll…I'll…I'll do something!

            I can't stop thinking about what Kenshin said this morning, that domestic tasks make him happy because it's something that Tomoe taught him to do to help people. Why didn't he take Tomoe's diary when he left the Ishin Shishi? He thought it was a recipe book until Izuka told him it was also a diary. It has a lot of sentimental value though, he took it with him when he left for Jou-chan's place this morning, probably to look over it and re-memorize recipes long forgotten and revisit older memories from Tomoe's point of view. He's being very quiet about it though, it must still hurt a lot to remember her. It doesn't really hurt when I remember Sagara-taichou but I also wasn't the one who killed him, Kenshin still beats himself up over whether or not he could have possibly saved Tomoe. He doesn't know that I sometimes catch him murmuring ways he could have prevented her death under his breath when he is lost in thought. He should get back to normal soon; he's only got two more days off until he can go back to distracting himself with work. The lech tricked Jou-chan this time by only giving him until Friday off, jou-chan can be so dense when it comes to Kenshin. It's been really quiet here today, the groups went off to go sightseeing and Saitoh's mysteriously disappeared, not that I'm complaining or anything. The only person to talk to today is Kama-chan; even the lech is off doing something today. It wouldn't be so bad if Kamatari would rant about something other than paperwork. I'm not about to complain though, that scythe thing he has looks pretty nasty from here, makes me miss my zanbatou a little. I wonder why the police are letting him keep that thing; they're probably too lazy to do anything about it. None of the officers around here really bother to give Kenshin any grief about his sword; I heard that on the way to Kyoto Kenshin got chased through a rice paddy because of his sword. I can't imagine any of the officers around here even bothering to walk after him. Hey that reminds me, the jerk left me behind to find my way trough the woods that time. I'll show him next time he tries to leave me behind.

"Himura! Tell me now!"

"Oro?"

            Misao-dono has been following me since dawn, how come she isn't staying with Aoshi today? What does she want me to tell her about? The only thing that I could possibly have to tell her is about Katsura's party. Misao-dono wasn't paying any attention when I received the letter from Murakai-dono and no one else has mentioned it after I told them it wasn't important and that I wasn't going. I hate lying like that, perhaps Yahiko told her about it.

"Keicho Geri!"

"Oro, Misao-dono please!"

"Tobu Kunai!"

Kaoru-dono is going to be very angry with me now; her favorite orange and yellow kimono is all torn up. I wasn't thinking about what I was holding when I used it to deflect Misao-dono's knives. Hopefully I'll be able to fix it before I return to the dojo to cook dinner, now I'm glad I decided to do the laundry by the river even if it is much colder here. Where did my sewing needles go? Left sleeve, now I remember. Why is Misao-dono being so quiet all of a sudden? It's very un-nerving when she does that. I hope Sano's day is going better, it would be nice if he could find out more about those groups and why Saitoh's been snooping around today. He passed by about an hour ago; I know he usually works on Wednesdays.

            Himura's such a stubborn jerk! He hasn't told me anything yet! All he's done is washed clothes and now he's fixed Karou's kimono. What could he have told Aoshi-sama that would make him act so weird? Aoshi-sama's been avoiding me more than usual so Himura must have been talking about me. Maybe he was telling Aoshi-sama to think about me, which would be nice. Himura's not a meddler like Jiya and Sorata though so it has to be something else. They better not be hiding anything from me! I can take care of myself if there's a fight, Karou and I did take down Kamatari at the Aoi-ya. I wouldn't be a burden at all; it must be one of Aoshi-sama or Himura's enemies from the past. I'll show them that I can handle it, I'll find out about it all by myself! By the time I'm through they'll be begging me to help them!

**~End Part 7~**

Please leave any nice/nasty comments in review form and please direct your flames to crazy_miko@gundamwing.net where they will be properly read and replied to. They will later be laughed at then placed at the end of the next chapter with the email address so everyone can have a good hearty belly laugh at your expense. Like the new teaser? Title? Please let me know.  Once again I thank A-chan for all her help so give her the credit she deserves. Please leave a review. Ja ne minna!

And now, my negative feedback! The review from H.E.R. reads as follows: "sorry to say this but that was rather disgusting. i think i'm gonna hurl!" Who sees something wrong with this review? First off if your sorry to say it chances are you shouldn't say it. Anyone agree? My question for our reviewer is: What was disgusting? Was it my grammar? If it's my grammar then just say so. I digress; I don't think that's what they're referring to. My (slightly) educated guess is that it's that yaoi that's got their panties in a twist. I'd like to think I made it very clear in the teaser and in the beginning of every chapter that this story contains yaoi content, I even told everyone what it was. Oh well, what can I do? They weren't very specific. As for the last sentence, that was really uncalled for. When telling someone their story sucks be a little bit more diplomatic about it! All I ask is that when leaving negative feedback please think your review through first and be specific!


	8. note

11-19-02

Hello, this is not a new chapter. First off there are a few things that need to be said.

The fic is not dead yet The random POV changes were pissing me off so the entire fic is being written so those will be labeled. I've been writing under the name Crazy Miko for awhile at sites other than ff.net. So if you see that name it's still my stuff. Chapter 7 scheduled for release Thanksgiving 

That is all, sorry to clutter the updated story list.


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